The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve
by ChaoticParadise
Summary: Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in the theater yet. Steve and friends think that part of of Bucky's recovery should involve getting him dating. Steve and Sharon try to set him but fail. Natasha saves the day. Bucky eats junk-food and finds a good girl. Could be part of a series if liked. Bucky/OFC
1. Chapter 1

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in the theater yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky is still wary of dating. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter one: Tony's Idea: The One Steve Likes

Bucky is cleaning his guns in the common room when Steve and Tony walk in arguing as usual. Bucky isn't listening but he's almost certain that they are fighting over American football, again. He sighs and checks the sight on the gun he's cleaning because it relaxes him. He knows that finding peace in cleaning weapons is not normal but after seventy years of conditioning, it is difficult to change. Weapons bring him peace. He's about to put the gun in its case when Tony steps in front of him.

Tony has his arms crossed and he's scowling. The fight is definitely about American football. "Barnes, tell this deluded old man that the Denver Broncos are a billion times better than the New England Patriots! Manning could wipe the field with Brady's ass any day of the week hopping on one foot and blindfolded!"

Steve steps in and towers over Tony sneering. "Is that why Manning's retiring this year?"

Tony starts shouting again and Bucky sighs tiredly. This is the fourth argument over that weird sport they have had this week. Bucky is tired and looks up at them. "I don't like football. I like soccer. I don't care about any of this shit. I am cleaning my guns somewhere quieter. Away from this grade school bullshit."

Steve and Tony watch as Bucky walks out with his cases. Tony looks at Steve. "What's eating him?"

Steve shrugs. "He's been like that for a while. Sam says it's completely normal but that he does need to make some attempt at actual socialization. I'm trying to find ways to get him out more but so far nothing has worked. He usually just sits or stands where ever we are and smokes."

Tony looks at Steve and quirks a brow. "Has he tried jumping back into the dating scene again?"

Steve shakes his head. "No, I think he's self-conscious about his arm even with the holo-tech hiding it."

Tony nods and looks at Steve. "Well, judging by his mood him getting laid isn't a half bad idea."

Steve glares at Tony. "Stark, remember who you are talking to?"

Tony nods and looks at Steve with a smirk. "Yeah and the whole world can hear you and Sharon fonduing it at three in the morning every weekend."

Steve turns crimson and looks at Tony. "One, quit listening because we aren't that damn loud you sick pervert. Two, do not make a stupid comment about me watching my language. Three, do you think getting back on the dating scene could help Bucky?"

Tony nods and pats Steve's shoulder. "I have never been this sure since I discovered that pizza is delicious."

Steve rolls his eyes and looks at Tony. "Okay. I will see what Sharon and I can do and maybe Sam can help."

Tony smiles and claps. "Good, now time for pizza! Arguing and helping my friends makes me hungry!"

Steve rolls his eyes. Stark is either going to live to be a hundred and thirty eating horribly and drinking like a fish or he's going to die of a heart attack by sixty. It doesn't matter though because Steve knows that if Stark ever died he would be losing a good friend.

Later that evening Steve and Sharon are having a romantic dinner in a small hole in the wall Italian restaurant. Sharon invited Bucky but he opted out telling her that he wants a gigantic greasy burger the size of his head and enough onion rings that his breath would keep Stark away for weeks. She's worried about him but Sam says give him time and space. Sharon looks at Steve and sips a glass of wine. "So, Stark thinks that Bucky needs to start dating and Sam says it couldn't hurt. Well, you are in luck. I have a couple of friends who would be more than willing to offer their services."

Steve smiles and sips his wine. "Good. Let's start out with something small. Like maybe a lunch date. Work him slowly back into the groove and after that, we can let him fly."

Sharon nods and smiles. "Perfect. I think I should start out with Julie. She's nice."

Later that night Steve comes home after walking Sharon home to find Bucky with a whole apple pie and a dozen blueberry muffins. Steve looks at Bucky and smirks. "Hungry much?"

Bucky looks at the food and Steve and nods. "Yeah, you want some?"

Steve shakes his head and slowly approaches Bucky. "I'm good. Hey, Buck, Sharon, and I are having lunch tomorrow and she has a friend who would love to meet you."

Bucky looks at Steve like his best friend has lost his mind. "You want me to go on a blind date."

Steve nods and holds his hands up. "Sam and I think it would be a good idea for you to get your feet wet and sharpen your skills with the ladies."

Bucky sighs and looks at Steve's concerned pleading blue eyes. Damn it, the punk still looks like a damn puppy. "If I say yes can I be left alone and eat a greasy heart attacking inducing dinner again?"

Steve nods enthusiastically. "Absolutely! Tomorrow at twelve at Petrelli's Deli."

Bucky nods and grabs a muffin. "Okay. I will be there and presentable. Go shower, you smell like Chanel perfume."

Steve turns red and walks quickly to the bathroom. Bucky smirks and eats the muffin. He smiles as the berries pop in his mouth. He's going to get fat eating like this.


	2. Chapter 2

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again, no copyright infringement is intended, this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fanfic but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter Two: Julie: Bucky Loves Grease, Beer, and Smokes

Steve and Bucky are sitting in the deli when Sharon and Julie arrive. Julie is tall, lean, and has hair the same color as Natasha's. She is wearing a pale blue cardigan and a matching skirt. Sharon smiles and looks at Bucky. "Bucky this is Julie and Julie this is Bucky."

Julie smiles and waves. "Hello Bucky. Lovely to meet you." Bucky smiles pulls out her chair. "Likewise, Julie."

Sharon appears triumphant, but her smile soon fades when Julie starts talking. Sharon didn't realize that Julie is one of the "let's get married yesterday" watches in defeat as Julie ruins her own date.

Julie looks at Bucky and sighs. "I love this time of year. So much romance, people proposing, and sparkling engagement rings. What do you think Bucky?"

Bucky looks at her and smiles stiffly as he sips his soda. "I think this time of year special for a lot of people, but I personally prefer March."

Julie looks at him and smiles. "The flowers and atmosphere of March is very romantic."

Bucky shakes his head. "Nah, I like Saint Patrick's day because I can drink a lot and wear green. I like the parades too and beer fountains."

Julie stares like she's seen an insect in her food. She wasn't told that Bucky likes to drink. "Really? What else do you enjoy?"

Bucky taps the fingers of his right hand against the table and thinks a moment. "The sensation of the autumn air against my skin as I step out for my last cigarette of the day."

Julie looks at her phone and smiles at the group. "I better get going unless I want to be late getting back to work! Nice meeting you Bucky."

Bucky smiles and waves as she leaves. When she's finally out of the door, he looks at Steve and Sharon. "I'm eating the Hulk burger tonight. Just so you know." He pays for his meal and walks out of the deli.

Steve sighs and looks at Sharon. "Who's next?"

Sharon looks at Steve and then at her phone. "Angela. She's good looking."

Steve nods and prays that he can convince Bucky to go on another lunch date. "Sharon, is she marriage happy or is she more discreet about it?"

Sharon shakes her head. "As far as I know she's just looking to date right now. As far as I know she's not interested in marriage."

Steve nods and looks at her. "Good. Please tell me that you didn't know she was absolutely nuts."

Sharon shakes her head and raises her right hand. "I swear that I had no idea Steve. Angela will be better. I swear."

Bucky takes a shower when he gets home and sighs as the hot water hits his skin. Julie was a nut and he has a feeling she's not the only one that Steve and Sharon have lined up for him. He looks at his reflection and decides that he likes his five o'clock shadow and isn't going to shave again because he's going to the diner tonight and who cares if he looks like he stumbled out of bed and into the streets. Bucky is throwing on a pair of jeans when Sam calls. Bucky looks at his phone and rolls his eyes before answering. "New York City Crematorium, you kill 'em, we grill 'em. Mr. Cook is speaking."

Sam laughs. "Buck, you are twisted. How did the date go?"

Bucky lets out a harsh chuckle. "I'm getting ready to eat dinner at the diner. She was crazy. She kept talking on about marriage and romance. It was just lunch! I'm out for a date and maybe a second date and she's out to set a damn wedding date!"

Sam makes clicking noise. "Well, they have someone else lined up for you, her name is Angela."

Bucky snorts. "Got any info?"

Sam sighs. "No, she's another one of Sharon's friends. I don't know anything about them."

Bucky sighs and looks for a clean shirt. "Right. I hear Steve coming. See you soon. I'm sure Steve is about to break the news of forcing me into another date. Bye."

Bucky looks through his drawers and picks out a plain heather grey cotton shirt. He is pulling it on when Steve knocks on the door. "What do you want, punk?"

Steve opens the door and sees the dismal state of Bucky's room. "Just wanted to see if you wouldn't mind having lunch with another one of Sharon's friends. Her name is Angela and Sharon promises that she isn't marriage crazy like Julie."

Bucky is pulling his shoes on as he nods. "Okay but the same deal applies. If I don't enjoy the date I get greasy dinner."

Steve nods. "Deal. It's a good thing that you don't look for a date wearing that. You look like yourself, a slob."

Bucky smirks and looks at Steve as he grabs his coat. "At least I dress like what I am. I'm not sure what people would think if Captain America was caught walking around dressed as a giant dick."

Steve and Bucky laugh together as Bucky zips his hoodie . He grabs his keys and smiles. "I will be back before midnight. Have fun, punk."

Steve waves as Bucky leaves and he worries. Bucky is always back in the house before nine but his behavior is erratic and one day -he fears- Buck may not come back. He sighs and looks in the kitchen and sees a couple of muffins left from yesterday. He prays that this date goes well because if Bucky keeps eating diner food he's going to have a heart attack.

Sam stops by Steve's apartment while Bucky's gone. "Hey. Is Bucky gone?"

Steve nods and starts picking up Bucky's dirty socks. "Yeah, he's gone. What's up?"

Sam shakes his head and smiles. "Nothing, Julie just freaked him out. Apparently he wasn't ready for her."

Steve nods. "Neither was I and Sharon was just as shocked as we were."

Sam nods and sighs. "Yeah. So what do you know about the next one?" Steve shakes his head. "Not a single thing. We hope that she's not as crazy as Julie."

Sam nods and laughs as he looks into the kitchen. He sees the tell-tale blue and yellow striped pastry box of Bucky's favorite diner. "He's still eating junk food?"

Steve nods and chuckles. "Yeah. He came back with an apple pie and a dozen blueberry muffins."

Sam laughs and smiles. "I know of one waitress who always talks about blueberry muffins. She likes them over the pies. Anyway, have fun and call me if Bucky has any problems."

Steve nods and looks at the muffins. "I will. See you later."

Bucky walks into Frank's Diner and smiles. It is designed to look like an old-fashioned forties diner but with a current twist. He sits at a table and sees his favorite waitress coming. He smiles and takes the menu from her. "I'm back. So what's your suggestion today?"


	3. Chapter 3

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fan-fiction, but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 3: Angela: Bucky's Sweet Tooth

Bucky is wearing another collared shirt and a pair of black jeans. His clothes aren't super nice but they look good enough to be called decent. He's thankful when he was given a week in advanced to prepare for his lunch date with Angela because Julie frightened him. He puts his hair in a man bun and looks follows Steve. "She better not be crazy like Julie."

Steve nods and nudges Bucky. "I am sure she will be much better than Julie."

Bucky rolls his eyes and looks at the large deli sign. Taking a deep breath, he opens the door and walks inside . Looking around he finally sees Sharon and her friend ,his jaw drops as he looks at Angela. Steve introduces them and they sit for their meal. It doesn't take Bucky long to realized that Angela is nothing like Julie.

Angela is tall, blonde, lean, and buxom with a face a model would envy; that's where the good things about Angela ends. She's selfish, rude, and has the personality of a rotting animal. He remains quiet as she talks horribly about her co-workers but then she turns her attention to the deli staff.

Bucky reaches his limit when she begins to talk about the sandwich maker. He knows that young woman because she delivers sandwiches to the POW recovery group and everyone loves her. Her name is Jess and she's a sweet gal and with a heart of gold and a personality that lightens up any room. He tries to say something to Angel,a but she's too absorbed in herself to hear anything but herself.

Angela spots the over weight sandwich maker and smiles cruelly. She talks loud enough to be heard over the noise of the lunch rush. "Please, don't eat my friends sandwiches and don't eat my salad either. I'm surprised that this places isn't out of business yet."

Bucky tries to again say something but Angela finds a new target in the server. He's skinny like the old Steve and has blue hair. Angela looks at the young man and begins her tirade. "She's a fat ass, you don't have to let the sandwich maker steal your lunch, and you don't have to associate with her. I know she probably threatens to sit on you but just run. She will get bored of chasing you. A skinny boy like you probably gets all the guys."

The server takes a deep breath and grips his notepad. "The sandwich maker is my fiance. Will that be all, miss?"

Angela laughs like a jackal as the young man takes the order to the back. Bucky watches as the server hugs his fiance. Standing up, he looks at Steve and Sharon, and finally he glares at Angela. "I hate to leave but I'm afraid you're not my type Angela. I like my potential dates to have respect for everyone. Good day."

Bucky looks at Steve and Sharon one more time and walks to the wait-station. He feels his heart twist as the server holds a crying Jess. The young man looks murderous and Bucky completely understands. Ringing the service bell, he looks at Jess' fiance. "Please make my meal to-go and if it isn't too much trouble make my order a double order all the way."

The young man nods and watches as Bucky puts a twenty in the tip jar. Bucky smiles and looks at the boy. "I'm sorry that she's a bitch. If it makes you feel any better I think your gal looks good. She has something called heart. Appreciate her."

The young man smiles and helps his fiance make Bucky's order. Bucky goes back to the table and grabs his coat and finds Angela playing the crying game. Bucky laughs. "Wow, you made that poor young woman cry, you practically called her fiance gay, but you're the victim because I don't want a selfish, shallow, judgmental bitch? I'm sorry guys, but I'm leaving. I can't do this and it will be a cold day in hell before I do her. Strike that it will be Snowmaggedon in hell before I even think about going near you again, Angela."

Angela looks at him with rage and starts screaming. The other customers in the store look at Angela with contempt. She was loud enough with her rude comments that everyone heard her. One old couple ask the young waiter for a manager. It doesn't take two minutes for a manager to appear. She looks at the couple. "Is there a problem here?"

The old woman nods. "Yeah, she's being rude and this young man called her out on it and now she's screaming like a banshee. Can you make her leave? She's disturbing our meal."

Angela gets in Bucky's face as he takes his two orders and leaves. "You will never find a date like me! You will never find someone as pretty as me! I could have given you the best sex of your life!"

Bucky looks at her and shakes his head. "See you later, Steve."

Sharon looks at Angela. "Leave. Now."

Angela goes to say something when the manager appears. "You heard her, leave or I will call the police."

Angela storms out and Sharon sighs tiredly. She looks at Steve sheepishly. "Maybe-"

Steve cuts her off. "No. Just, no."

Sharon nods and finishes her sandwich. Steve sighs and walks outside to call Sam. "Hey Sam, this is Steve. Call me as soon as you can. This date was worse."

Steve looks out at the city. He wants to help Bucky but Sharon's set ups are really bad matches. Maybe there hopes that Natasha can help break this cycle of terror.

Bucky smiles as he enters his favorite diner. He sits at the same table and smiles at the same waitress. "I've got an extra pastrami if you've got a break."

The young woman smiles and looks at her manager who nods. Normally the manager wouldn't let her take a break with a customer but this guy has been sitting at the same table for months and buying anything she suggests. He may as well cut the guy some slack because he's never rude to her, he doesn't give off the creep vibe, and he eats more in one sitting than most couples and can pay for it. It isn't that it warms his heart to see how adorable those two youngsters look sitting together.

Sam is waiting for Steve at his apartment. "He's still not here, but don't worry. I don't think a terrible date is going to send Bucky running off to destroy Hydra bases."

Steve gives a half-hearted chuckle. "I know but I still worry. He's just still so distant. I know that the Bucky I knew will never be back but I want to make sure that the one I've got is okay."

Sam nods and looks at Steve. "I know, but maybe we should let Bucky have a little space?"

Steve nods running his fingers through his hair. "You're right. I know you're right, but he's looked after me for so long that I feel wrong and bad if I don't do the same for him."

Sam smiles and looks around. "I know you want to repay him but you don't have to repay him. You two are practically brothers and brothers don't have to pay each other back. They just look out for each other and know when to back off."

Steve wants to respond when Bucky comes back with a pastry box. "Hey guys, what's up?"

Sam looks at Bucky. "Besides your blood sugar? Nothing, expect wondering where the hell you ran off to."

Bucky hold up the box and grins. "Just satisfying my sweet tooth and emotionally eating."

Steve looks at the box. "What's your glutton indulgence today?"

Bucky opens the box and smiles at him. "Chocolate chip muffins. And I'm not sharing. I'm stealing the remote and couch. Have fun being jealous."

Steve laughs and Sam gives an amused look. Steve looks at Sam and furrows his brows. "What's that look for Sam?"

Sam chuckles. "He always come back from that diner in a good mood."

Steve looks at Sam confused. "What do you mean?"

Sam smiles and sees Bucky flop on to the couch. "He goes to the same diner and always comes back smiling."

Steve smiles and watches Bucky eat. Bucky only did this once in the forties. He liked this secretary. It didn't work out because she had to move, but he would be pissed one minute and then he would talk to her and he would comeback acting like the world was made of rainbows. Mumbling under his breath, he looks curiously at Bucky. "Who is she?"


	4. Chapter 4

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fanfiction, but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. He helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter Four: Marla: Bucky Loves Chilidogs

Sharon begs Steve and Bucky to give her another chance. She has one more friend named Marla. "I swear Bucky, she's strong, independent, and I think you two will be a good match."

Bucky looks at her and Steve. "Deal still holds."

They nod and watch as Bucky goes to his room. Steve looks at Sharon. "I love you, but the only reason you're still setting him up with people you know is because Natasha is on a mission in Moscow."

Sharon nods in agreement and pouts. "I know, but Marla is an independent and strong woman and I think they will hit it off."

Steve rubs his face. "I hope so because Bucky needs better eating habits."

Sharon nods and texts her friend. She gets a response and looks at Steve. "Same time and same place, Friday."

Bucky would be lying if he said he was excited by the idea of going on yet another blind date. He's dreading the idea of yet another one of Sharon's friends, but it makes Steve happy. He just hope that she isn't too crazy or rude.

Bucky looks at Marla and she's different. She's tall with black hair styled into a mow hawk and she's she wears a sour expression on her face. It didn't take long for the group to notice that Marla was going to ruin it.

Bucky opens the door for Marla and his friends, but she gets in his face immediately. "What? Because I'm a woman you don't think I can open my own door?"

Bucky feels the irritation crawling up his spine but he walks into the deli and they find their table. He pulls out Marla's chair for her and she goes insane. "What kind of antique, sexist, stuck up, misogynist attitude are you trying to shove on me?"

Bucky breaths in deeply and looks at her. "I'm not trying to shove anything on you; I'm trying to be a gentleman. My mother taught me manners and that if I don't treat people with respect that I would get my teeth knocked out. She taught me to treat women like queens and give them the utmost respect; I'm sorry that you're offended by manners."

She looks at him and puts her hands on her hips. "I can't believe your mother taught you to oppress women this way!"

Bucky cracks his neck and looks at her with his Winter Soldier glare. "My mother taught me that women are more than wives, mothers, and daughters. After my dad died she worked her ass off to give what we need. She went without food to make sure that my sisters and I were fed. Ma taught us to open a door for a woman because they are busy with their families and need help to get places quicker. She taught me to pull a chair out for a woman because after a long day of working, cooking, cleaning, and caring for family she's tired and needs a chair to catch her fall. She taught me that women are fighters, lovers, and gifts from God. My mother taught me to see everyone as equal and to never pick a fight. So, out of respect to my late mother, I'm leaving."

Bucky stands up and grabs his coat. He doesn't care about her hair -he likes it- and he doesn't care about her sour expression or the fact that she thinks everything is a sign of sexism; he can look passed all of those things. One thing he will not forgive or look passed is the way she insulted his mother. Taking a deep breath and counting to ten, he opens his eyes and looks at Marla. "I will finish with this, my mother fought everyday of her life to make sure that we had food on the table and clean clothes on her back. She couldn't bring in a lot because the jobs she was given didn't pay shit but she was a damn fine woman and you will never compare to her. I'm gone!"

He walks out and leaves his friends stunned. Sharon looks at Marla and glares. "I knew that you were outspoken, but I didn't know that you were an inconsiderate asshole."

Marla looks at Sharon and Steve shocked. "Did you see the way he blew up at me?"

Steve looks at Marla as he and Sharon grab their coats. "Miss, if you talked about my mother like that, I would be mad too and trust me when I say, he didn't blow up at you. He didn't shout, he didn't yell, and he didn't insult your mother back. Learn some manners and how to use them and maybe you can find a decent partner one day."

Sharon looks at Steve and can tell that he's upset. She looks at Marla and sees the words twisting in her head. "Don't even try the whole gender thing either, he said partner. Who ever you find I hope they are just as rude as you."

They leave and Marla is left stunned. She sits at the table and huffs in annoyance. There is nothing wrong with her; it is everyone else who is wrong. She eats in silence and alone. She doesn't understand why the waiter keeps glaring at her but she's sure it is because she's a strong independent woman.

Bucky walks up to Frank's Diner and takes his usual table. His normal waitress walks up and smiles at him. She hands him a menu and smiles. "What are you feeling today?"

Bucky looks up at her and gives a relieved smile. "Hot dogs, but chili dogs would be better if you got them."

She smiles and he smiles back. She takes the menu and slips it under her arm. "Two foot-long chili dogs with steak fries?"

Bucky nods and sits back. "Sounds perfect. Thanks, Elle."

She smiles and takes his order to the kitchen. He sighs and looks up when she brings him his usual cup of coffee. He takes it and thanks her. It is days like this that make him wish that he wasn't so damned insecure. He wishes that he could be confident like the old Bucky.


	5. Chapter 5

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fan fiction, but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter Five: Eileen: Bucky Needs Hot Chocolate

Bucky agreed to give Sharon one more chance because Steve pulled his damned puppy eyes routine and that always works. He sighs as he walks into the deli and looks at Eileen. She's strawberry blonde, lean, about his height, and her eyes are green. She's wearing a modest sweater and matching skirt. He almost feels good about this date until her phone goes off.

He doesn't mind the occasional text message but her phone literally goes off every thirty seconds. She looks at it and laughs and taps something into her phone. He has eaten his sandwich and has yet to say something to her other than "Hi, I'm Bucky."

Bucky waits patiently for Eileen to notice that the rest of the world isn't made of wires, plastic, and glass but she is too engrossed on updating her Facebook status to notice their food has arrived. He eats his sandwich and watches as she takes seven pictures of her sandwich and laughs. She finally looks at him and smiles. "This is totally going on Instagram! May I take your picture?"

Bucky gives her a dead eyed stare and shakes his head. "No. I do not want my picture taken. I'm camera shy."

Eileen's camera phone clicks and she laughs. "Too late! You're on Instagram!"

He looks at Steve and Sharon and sighs. "Thanks, guys. I know you mean well, but I can't stand this; if I wanted to eat alone then I would have come here alone. I will see you later."

Steve looks at Bucky and gently grabs his right arm. "Where are you going?"

Bucky looks at him and sighs. "Frank's Diner, I'm going to drown my sorrows in coffee and hot chocolate."

Steve looks at Bucky apologetically and looks guilty. "I'm sorry, Buck."

Bucky nods and leaves. He walks down the street and sees Natasha walking towards the deli. "Hey, Nat."

Natasha looks at Bucky's tired expression and crosses her arms. "Another bad date?"

He nods and points to the blonde still attached to her cell phone. "Yeah, I'm going to drown my sorrows in hot chocolate and coffee. Maybe you can convince them to quit trying to set me up all the time."

Natasha nods and looks at him. "I can't promise. Steve actually called me in on this one. He says that with my spy skills I should be more than capable of finding someone you like."

Bucky chuckles tiredly. "That's putting your intelligence gathering skills to good use. You better get going, Steve may have a breakdown because he feels guilty about all of this. It isn't his fault that all of his gal's friends are completely nuts."

Natasha smirks and waves him off. She walks into the deli and sits down. "Hello. I heard that you two have a mission for me?"

Steve and Sharon nod. Sharon looks at Natasha. "It's Bucky, we are trying to find someone he likes enough to ask for a second date, but all we have done is find women who make him leave. Help, please."

Natasha rubs her temples and nods. "I will help but you have to trust me. I know you have been going based off his likes and dislikes but you have to find a balance. Let me do some intel gathering and I will call you when I have someone in mind."

Sharon smiles at Steve and looks at Natasha. "Thank you. It isn't fair that someone as good as Bucky has to spend Saturday night alone."

Steve smirks and looks at Sharon. "He said the same thing about me once."

Natasha smirks and looks at them both. "I will call with in forty-eight hours. See you soon."

Natasha walks off and goes in the direction of Frank's diner. She looks at the area of locally owned stores and sees a coffee shop across the street. She goes into the coffee shop and sits where she can see Barnes but he can't see her. She orders her coffee and take s a seat.

Sipping her coffee she looks around the shop and relaxes. It is small, blends into the community, and it is easily missed unless you're looking for it; it is perfect for undercover work. The coffee is good and the atmosphere fits Barnes personality, so why isn't he here? She looks out the window and sees him sit and then she sees the waitress. She smiles and watches their interaction

The waitress doesn't looks very tall and she's very petite. She has chestnut pixie cut hair and is making Barnes smile. Natasha views the interaction and notes his behavior . She watches as the waitress comes back with a mug of hot chocolate and a can of whipped cream. Natasha wishes she could hear them instead of watching but for now visuals will have to work.

Bucky smiles when Elle comes back with his hot chocolate. He moves his hands and she sets the mug on the table. "Thank you."

Elle smiles at him and shakes the whipped cream and makes a swirl on top. "Now it's done. Do you need anything else?"

Bucky looks at her and thinks a million things at once but he only smiles "No, thanks. I'm good."

Elle smiles at him and before checking her other tables. He watches as she moves quickly and efficiently from one table to the next, and he's impressed that someone from her age group still knows how to keep their cell phones out of their pockets. Sipping his hot chocolate, he mentally kicks himself. All he wants for his his life right now is to find the courage to ask her out.

Natasha watches the change in his posture and expression after the waitress leaves. Smirking, she waits for Barnes to leave before making her move. She texts Steve and Sharon. "I'm at "Grounded Coffee" and I think I found the perfect person."


	6. Chapter 6

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter Six: Finding Someone for Bucky: It Only Takes a Team

Steve gets the text from Natasha and shows it Sharon. She looks at Steve and bites her lip. "Do you really think this will work?"

Looking at Sharon he shrugs. "I don't know, but what other options do we have? No offense Sharon, but your friends are nuts."

Nodding, she looks up at Steve with guilty eyes. "I'm beginning to see that now, okay? I think that me, you, Natasha, and Sam should meet her first. That way we can prevent anymore public scenes."

Smiling, Steve nods and gets an idea. "We can do it tomorrow. Bucky doesn't have therapy and he will be busy getting his arm re-calibrated."

She immediately grabs her phone and texts the others. "If they are free, I don't see why we can't do it tomorrow. I hope this works Steve."

He pulls her close and kisses the top of her head. "Me too."

The next morning Steve makes Bucky go to Stark to get his arm re-calibrated and repaired. It is a fight and Bucky tries his best to make excuses but he does eventually go. Steve knows that Stark doesn't do anything or say anything out of the way but Bucky doesn't like people looking at his arm. The whole team knows that Bucky hates his arm because it reminds him of the bad things he's done as the Winter Soldier, but it is part of him and it cannot be changed.

Steve, Sam, Natasha, and Sharon meet outside of Frank's Diner and Natasha sees the waitress walk in and punch her time clock. Seeing the waitress up close surprises Natasha. "That's her, she's actually beautiful up close."

They look in the direction of Natasha's sight and Sam chuckles. "Damn, I can see why Bucky is crushing on her. I would be shocked if he weren't crushing on her."

Sharon looks at the waitress and notes that she immediately start working. "She's the one you saw yesterday?"

Nodding, Natasha points to the booth that Bucky occupied yesterday. "Yeah, he was tense, shy, confident, and trusting all at the same time. If we can hook her in then we can make Barnes happy."

Chuckling, Sam looks at Natasha with a playful smirk. "So, you're Barnes fairy god-spy."

Glaring, Natasha points and Sam. "Keep it up Pinocchio and you won't be a real boy anymore."

They settle down before occupying the booth Bucky took yesterday. It doesn't take long and their target approaches the table. Everyone smiles and takes a menu from the young woman. Pulling a note pad from her apron she smiles at the group. "Hello, my name is Elle and I will be your server today. How may I help you?"

Sharon looks at the menu and bites her lip. "We haven't eaten here; do you have any suggestions?"

Smiling, Elle looks at the group. "We have blueberry muffins fresh from the oven, but if you're looking for something more substantial we have the Mega Breakfast Platter. Three eggs, sausage or bacon, hash-browns, toast, and coffee for five dollars."

Looking over the menu and deciding that it would be now or never Steve makes the first move. "I will have what ever Bucky usually orders."

Raising her brows, Elle looks at Steve. "You know Bucky?"

Reading, Steve nods and smiles. "Yeah, he's my roommate. I know he loves the food here because he brings stuff back all the time."

Tilting her head, Elle looks at the small group and puts her pen in rings of her note pad. "He doesn't know you're here."

Natasha raises a brow and looks at her. "What makes you say that?"

Looking around Elle sees another group of people coming to her section. "I will give you all time to look at the menu and I will return with your answer."

She walks off and Natasha looks at Sam and Steve. "She's perceptive isn't she?"

Sharon nods and looks over the menu. "Yeah, I can see why Bucky would like her."

Sam nods and looks at the menu. "Yeah, this looks good. I wonder how she knew. It isn't like we are reeking of friends on a mission."

Steve looks at Natasha. "You don't think when I told her I'll have what Bucky gets could have tipped her off do you?"

Natasha shakes her head and sees Elle coming. "No, but she did promise us an answer."

Elle walks up and puts water on the table. "Give me your order and you get your answer."

Sam chuckles. "Do you bust his chops like this too?"

Elle smiles. "Only every time he walks in."

Steve chuckles and looks at the menu. "I will have the three egg platter. Bacon. Wheat toast. Eggs over easy and I want coffee and two apple fritters please. Oh and a short stack of pancakes."

Natasha looks at her menu. "Coffee, a veggie omelette, wheat toast, and extra mushrooms please."

Sam looks at her. "Okay, my turn and you keep your end of the deal. I want a Super Stuffed Hash-brown with extra cheese and extra bacon and I want coffee too."

Sharon smiles and looks at Elle closely. "I will have oatmeal and wheat toast."

Elle smiles and and takes their menus. "He may or may not have mentioned that his friends are trying to set him up. Why are you here?"

Smirking, Sam looks at her and plays with his creamers. "Just curious about the diner, what else has told you?"

Elle smiles. "Nothing much, he just told me he has very well meaning friends who do crazy things sometimes, excuse me but I must get these orders out."

Walking away, she attends her other customers. An old man with sunglasses comes out from the back and starts talking to customers. He walks over to Elle and she nods and looks at the table of heroes. She and the old man walk back together. The old man smiles and looks at them. "Hi, I'm the owner, Frank, I see you've taken an interest in Elle."

Steve nods. "Yeah, well more like one our friends has an interest in her."

Frank nods and looks at Elle. "It must be that Bucky fellow. He's always eating whatever she suggests. Did you all know he's brought food to her?"

Elle closes her eyes to hide the automatic roll. She looks at the table and smiles at them as they look at her. "He had an extra sandwich. It was just a lunch break."

Frank laughs and looks at them like he is about to tell a story. "They look so cute together. All they need are 1940's outfits and a shared milkshake."

Elle bites her lip and sighs. "Can I please get back to work, sir?"

Frank looks at her and motions for her to take a seat next to Steve. "No, let me tell you a story; it's how they first met! She had been working here for two weeks and was waiting on that Bucky fellow when this skinny little white guy comes in. He's jumpy, twitchy, and looks like he's on drugs and she looks up at him from pouring Bucky's coffee. She whispers to him and he stands up just as the guy pulls a gun. Bucky takes the guy down and the store is saved. He gave her all the credit."

Elle is looking down at the table and fights the urge to put her head through it. "I used to live in the deep south. If I don't know what a concealed weapon looks like by now then something is very wrong with me."

Frank laughs. "Too bad you weren't around when I worked at the Smithsonian, maybe you could have found that punk who stole Captain America's uniform and I wouldn't have been fired."

Elle looks up at him and sighs. "If you wouldn't have been fired then you would have never been able to live your dream. We've been over this, sir."

Frank laughs and looks at them. "If you're going to ask her to go out with your friend I would do it now while I'm embarrassing her. She will say anything to get me to stop."

She looks confused at the team. "What?"

Natasha looks at the old man. "How did you know?"

Frank smiles and points to an old woman working the grill. "How do you think my wife and I met?"

Elle does allow her head to hit the table and Steve winces at the sound. He ducks his head to her level. "All we ask is that you and Bucky have lunch with me and Sharon. If it goes well then it goes well, if it doesn't then we won't bother you anymore."

Elle looks at the team and her boss. "If I say yes, may I please go back to work?"

Frank nods and looks at them. "Yeah, what's your answer?"

Elle turns red but keeps her expression cool. "Fine, I will have lunch with Bucky. Excuse me, my customers need me."

Franks smiles and motions for her to go. He looks at the team as she walks off. "She's a fire cracker. Selfless to a fault. I haven't found a more hard working person around. Make sure your friend doesn't break her heart though."

Sam looks at Frank. "Has this happened before?"

He nods. "Not this exact situation, but yeah. She isn't a crying type of person. She holds it back and keeps moving. Anyways, this guy broke her heart once. They had been dating for a year and she found out that he was sleeping with best friend at the time. She confronts them and tells them that she knows but they lied. Her eyes went blank and lost their fire. She looked at them and cut them out of her life for good. She walked around on autopilot for weeks."

Sharon looks at Natasha and then Frank. "Did she tell you why she didn't cry?"

Frank nods and looks at her. "She doesn't cry in public. She won't even when something terrible has happened. She didn't cry when Ultron started killing people but when she came into work her eyes were puffy. She just doesn't cry in public."

Natasha looks at Sharon. "See? This match will be perfect. Thank you for your help, sir."

Frank smiles and looks at them. "It is always nice to help heroes. Breakfast is on me. Have a good day."

Steve eats and hopes that Natasha is right about this match. Bucky needs someone strong and kind and smart to help him through the hard times. Steve chuckles a bit and smiles when his food arrives. He looks at Elle and then the plate. Bucky needs someone like his mother; he needs a hard working, strong, loyal, and independent woman who will bust his chops and take care of him when he needs it. He smiles and chuckles when Frank slips him a note telling Steve that Elle has tomorrow off.

Everyone hopes that she's the date for Bucky and that this date goes well. They finish their meals and leave her a sizable tip. Sharon smiles as she puts down the piece of paper with the contact information and the name of the deli. She hopes this works.


	7. Chapter 7

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter Seven: Elle: Bucky Likes Pizza And Movies

Bucky looks in the mirror and pulls on a royal blue polo shirt as he contemplates the pros and cons of murder. He's tired of these damn blind dates and doesn't care about the assurances of his newest not being nuts. It isn't anything he hasn't heard before but if this date goes to hell he can always go to the diner and try to work up the confidence to ask Elle for a date. Tucking his shirt in he sighs at his reflection; the day he can talk to Elle will be the day pigs fly.

He walks with Steve and Sharon to the deli and is quiet the entire walk. Steve senses his friend's apprehension. "Don't worry Buck, we are sure this time that you will like her. Natasha helped this time."

Bucky looks at Steve and quirks a brow. "She did? Who is my date?"

Steve smiles at Sharon and turns to Bucky. "The point of a blind date is to be surprised."

Bucky scoffs and looks at the couple. "At least you told me the nut jobs names last time. I don't even know this date's name. Am I walking into a trap?"

They approach the deli and Steve looks inside. He smiles at Bucky and opens the door. "I don't know, Buck; you tell me."

Bucky walks inside and sees Elle. His throat goes dry and his train of thought derails and falls into a pit of tongue tied snakes. He sees that she's wearing slacks and a button up shirt and her pixie cut is styled as usual -it looks like Steve's style but it looks pretty on her- and she's wearing very light make up. He walks up to her and his voice threatens to leave him. "Hi."

Elle smiles at him and she plays with her hands. "Hi."

He pulls her chair out and smiles as she sits and says "thank you" after she sits. He knows he's being crazy but he can't think. He's imagined this moment and now he has it but he feels like he's lost. He scratches the back of his neck and tries to think of something to say. He wants to kick himself.

Elle looks around and her cheeks are hot pink -not from the blush she's wearing- and smiles. "I've never been here before what do you suggest, Bucky?"

He looks at her and smiles. "I like the pastrami with pepperoni. Mayo and brown mustard."

She gives a tiny smile. "I think I will try that. You're always getting what I like why not return the favor?"

Bucky chuckles and relaxes. The atmosphere lightens after they order and Bucky finally finds his voice. "So, I've been wondering -for a while now- is Elle short for anything or is your name Elle?"

She turns an even brighter shade of pink and her eyes crinkle into a smile. Bucky is breath taken and smiles when she looks at him. Nodding she looks around the table but her eyes come back to Bucky. "Yeah, it is short for another name. My mom had this thing about presidents and since she had a girl she couldn't name me after an officially elected president."

Bucky sits back smiling. "So, what did she name you?"

Elle giggles and looks sheepish. "Eleanor, she named me after Eleanor Roosevelt. My full name is Eleanor Marie Martin. "

Bucky smiles and looks at her as he sips his soda. "Eleanor suits you. She was a damn fine first lady."

Elle is now hot pink and her smile is relaxed. "So, Bucky. What is Bucky short for?"

Bucky laughs and looks at Steve. "Don't say a word, punk. My full name is James Buchanan Barnes. My mother called me Buchanan, but I couldn't pronounce it when I was a kid so I would say "Bucky" and it stuck from then on out."

Elle chuckles. "That is absolutely adorable. I bet you were a cute kid."

Bucky laughs and the food arrives. "Cute, maybe, but according to everyone I was a very active child."

Steve looks at Elle. "By active he means he's been caught taking pies from window sills, looking up skirts, and giving the most innocent looks when he's caught."

Bucky chuckles and gives Steve a half hearted glare. "I was a bit of a trouble maker when I was little."

Elle laughs. "Yeah, well, I'm no better. I used to get into the tools and take whatever I thought was interesting apart. It is amazing what a four year old can take apart in less than thirty minutes."

Bucky laughs and smiles at her. "It is good to see that I'm not the only one with a crooked halo here."

Steve and Sharon watch as Bucky and Elle talk and bond. Smiling, Steve sees part of the old Bucky emerge and blossom out into the new Bucky. It makes him feel good to know that his old friend hasn't completely changed. He looks over at Sharon who has the look of someone who is viewing two kittens playing in a field of flowers and he can't disagree that this whole situation is kind of adorable. Bucky always did look kind of like a shy school boy when he really liked a girl.

Bucky walks Elle outside and waits with her as she hails a taxi. Looking at her he swallows the lump in his throat and finds his courage. "I was wondering if maybe you would like to see a movie and get some pizza. It doesn't have to be today but maybe the next time you are off we can do that."

She looks up at him and the light dances off her brown eyes in a way that makes them looks like molten gold. "I would like that. Maybe we can see that new cartoon movie."

Looking at her he smiles. "What, no romantic comedy?"

She laughs and takes out a note pad. She writes on the paper and hands it to him as a taxi pulls up. "Pixar makes super sweet movies with plenty of romance. I think you will like it. Call me and we can set up movie night."

Bucky opens the taxi door and closes it. He watches her ride off into the city and looks down at the paper. Turning, he sees Steve and Sharon watching him through the window. They give him questioning looks but he just smirks. Smiling, he pockets the paper and waves as he walks back to his apartment; they put him through hell so, they can wait.


	8. Chapter 8

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Warning: Everyone's favorite Merc With A Mouth is in this story and so is our other favorite gun toting foul mouthed raccoon. I wasn't originally going to add extra characters beyond the Avengers and Captain America MCU but I needed an extra element to the story to bring everything together. Like Marvel, nothing is ever as it first appears. Enjoy.

Chapter 9: Friends, Roommates, And Making Dates: Life is Weird

Bucky is smiling and whistling the next morning and Tony is more than a little unnerved by this change. He looks at Bucky and darts around him. "Is it possible that the mighty Winter Soldier has found the elusive female?"

Rolling his eyes, Bucky pours a glass of juice and turns away from Stark. Naturally such action doesn't deter Tony and he watches Bucky carefully. Finishing his juice, Bucky washes his glass and walks to the common room. Tony follows him.

Tony watches as Bucky scratches his stomach and turns on the television. "Watch as the rare creature known commonly as a "Bucky" thrives in his natural habitat. See the way he watches for predators but keeps his attention rapt on the sights before him."

Steve walks in and sees Stark following Bucky. Walking over, he taps Tony on the shoulder. "Stark, what do you call yourself doing?"

Putting his finger to his lips, Stark motions to Bucky. "I'm currently viewing a wild Bucky in his natural habit. See the way he moves his neck from side to side? It is said that is a sign he's relaxed. Wait! I think he's spotted us! Perhaps we can see this wild Bucky up close! Amazing!"

Steve shakes his head and walks over to Bucky. "So, Buck, are you going on a second date?"

Bucky looks up at Steve and smirks. "Yeah. I'm going to call her later and set it up."

Tony walks closer and Clint walks up to Tony. Looking at Tony's posture and the gleam of mischief in the engineer's eyes Clint catches on to the game quickly. "Look! Another wild super soldier! Folks, it is rare to see them in pairs! Usually these majestic creatures are solitary and can only be spotted in their dens or around food sources. We are lucky folks!"

Rolling his eyes, Bucky looks at Steve. "They are going to do this all day aren't they?"

Nodding, Steve walks to the kitchen and comes back with two large bowls of cereal. "Yep, the idiots in their natural habit performing the daily act of stupid."

Tony sticks out his tongue. "The larger male has given the smaller male food, perhaps this is a sign of friendship. What do you think, Barton?"

Sam walks in and sees Tony and Clint crouched behind the couch. Chuckling, he walks over to Steve and Bucky. "How did it go?"

Looking up, Bucky swallows his mouthful of cereal and nods. "Second date is a go."

Smiling, Sam crosses his arms. "See, you just needed an assassin and a group of heroes to help you find the right girl."

Bucky gives Sam the finger and fills his spoon again. "Thanks for the help. I'm still pissed at you, punk."

Looking at Bucky, Steve looks shocked. "Why?"

Waving his spoon around, Bucky answers him. "In order, Julie, Angela, Marla, and Eileen. I know that you meant well but they were all nuts in their own way. The most normal one was Eileen. I'm still not sure if her phone isn't surgically connected to her brain. Sharon desperately needs to find better friends."

Nodding and putting his feet on the coffee table, Steve spoons his cereal into his mouth. "She does. At least I managed to save you from Karen. I met that one and she was the last one on Sharon's list."

Shuddering, Bucky as Tony and Clint edge closer. Sighing, Bucky looks at Sam. "Dumb ass One and Dumb ass Two are making our interaction into a mock nature documentary."

Peeking over the coffee table, Tony looks at the trio of soldiers. "Watch as they feed and communicate with the other members of the pack. They accept the new comer as a member of their pack. Amazing!"

Sighing, Steve looks at Sam. "Is bringing his date here at any point in time a good idea?"

Laughing, Sam shrugs. "It maybe a great way to see how much weird she can handle."

Smiling, Bucky shakes his head. "Let's hope that she can handle a lot weird shit then."

Elle is looking for her shoes as she gets ready to go to work when she looks under her bed and sees a katana. Letting out a tired sigh, she pulls it out and looks at it. "Wade, you dip shit! I found Choppy! Keep your stuff out of my room!"

Deadpool walks in wearing her fluffy neon blue bathrobe and her favorite neon pink piggy slippers. "Sorry! What?"

Rubbing her face, she glares at him. "You are very lucky that Al is like a grandmother to me and that I have to go to work because I should kill you for stealing my stuff."

Wade sits on her bed and strikes a girly pose. "Yeah, Al is great. Thanks for letting me crash at your place while Al is having the alien guts washed out."

Elle ties her apron and looks at him. "Speaking of which, if I find one more strange gun in the shower I'm banning guns period! Put your stuff away or don't keep it here. I've got lunch and dinner in the fridge. Each meal is labeled and all you have to do is make a plate and stick it in the microwave. I've left instructions and emergency numbers on the fridge if you need help. Can you not bring strange people, animals, and other things or creatures into my apartment, please?"

Saluting, Deadpool stands up. "Yes ma'am! I've got everything under control!"

Looking cautious, Elle nods. "Okay. If you need me, call. I've told Frank that my neighbor may or may not be waiting on a sick relative to croak and that I would have to watch her child."

Wade nods and hops off as Elle walks out of the door. She doesn't feel bad about telling Frank that story because it technically isn't a lie. Al is waiting for news on her cousin -and washing alien guts out of her carpet and upholstery- and Wade is a giant child, so the story is the truth save for the omission of guns, strange objects, swords, and alien guts.

Bucky waits at "Grounded Coffee" and sees that Elle is finally taking her break before he texts her. Smiling, he watches her tap her response and he grabs his cup and walks across the street. Walking in he waves and smiles at her. "Hey, I thought maybe we could talk about plans in person?"

Smiling, Elle nods and her cheeks turn pink. "I was thinking that we could see the movie first and then get pizza. I don't like theater food. I watched a guy blow his nose and not wash his hands before handling the popcorn. I've never eaten theater anything since."

Making a face, Bucky nods. "Sounds like a plan. Um, any pizza place in particular that you like?"

Shaking her head, Elle eats her sandwich. "Not really, I like pizza in general. I've heard that Benny's is pretty good."

Nodding, Bucky smiles. "I've been there, it's pretty good."

Smiling, Elle plays with her hands. "I don't go out a lot."

Nodding, Bucky eats his pastrami. "Me neither. I have a few issues with crowds."

Looking at him, Elle tilts her head and her eyes squint in concentration. "We don't have to see a movie. I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Shocked, Bucky looks at her. He cannot believe that she's giving him permission to be a neurotic recluse and not be around all those people. He feels bad that he's allowing himself to answer. "I know I suggested it, but I really don't think I can handle it. We can have pizza though. I can handle one crowed place a day. Some days when I don't come in here it's because I was out working or shopping. I'm sorry."

Shaking her head, Elle smiles and waves off his apology. "Quit apologizing. You have absolutely nothing to apologize for and honestly the only movie I wanted to see is available only in 3-D. I can't see movies in 3-D."

Tilting his head, Bucky looks at Elle curiously. "Why not?"

Sighing, Elle checks the time. "I'm allergic to the plastic coating on the frame of the 3-D glasses. I get the goofiest looking rash and my ears turn beet red and I itch like crazy."

Rubbing his ears sympathetically, he sighs. "I do have an idea, but you can say no because I know this sounds forward and not appropriate."

Raising a brow, she taps her fingers against the table and gives him a curious look. "I'm listening."

Smiling, Bucky looks at his hands and then at her. "My friends and I have a movie night every Friday night and you're off Saturday and I was wondering if you would like to join me in joining them?"

Her eyes crinkle in delight. "Sure, maybe we can have pizza with them too?"

Bucky nods and smiles. He looks at his watch and frowns. "Time's almost up. I need to warn you about a few things. One, my friends are the Avengers. Two, despite the idea that they are the world's mightiest heroes they are the world's biggest children. Three, and finally who the hell is the guy in the red suit holding an angry raccoon and a sign with your name on it?"

Letting her head hit the table, Elle sighs. "A person I thought could be left alone. He's my adopted granny's roommate. I offered to keep an eye on him while she was out of town."

Bucky reads the sign and sees crude drawings on it of Elle and himself kissing. "Does he do this often?"

Nodding, she looks up and sees Frank coming towards the table. "I'm sorry about him, sir."

Frank shakes his head. "You keep strange company, Elle. You do know who he is, don't you?"

Banging her head even harder on the table, she growls tiredly. "I'm trying to forget. I'm not working anymore today am I?"

Putting his hand between Elle's hand and the table, Frank shakes his head. "No. I know Al and she needs him out of trouble. She also told me to pay you for the time off. You know for a blind woman she's got a deadly aim with a Dessert Eagle."

Chuckling, Bucky replaces Frank's hand with his right hand. "I will walk you two home. You look like you're ready to melt."

Elle nods and looks up at Bucky. "Maybe we should have movie night at my place. If he's here then he's done something to my place that will piss me off."

Frank laughs and pats her shoulder. "Go on sweetie. Jenny has come in early. Have fun kids."

Walking outside, Elle looks at Wade. "I told you to stay there. Take my hand and don't let go. We are going home."

Wade takes her hand and turns to her. "Is he my new daddy?"

Bucky laughs and Elle sputters. "Damn it, Wade. He's going to come over to the apartment on Friday night and watch a movie with us. We are going to have pizza."

Deadpool squeals and looks at Bucky. "Daddy, can I have ice cream before dinner?"

Bucky's brows shoot up and he looks over at Elle. He sees her shaking her head. "No. Mommy has a delicious dinner ready for you."

The raccoon looks at Elle. "That was you who made the chicken pot pie. That was delicious!"

Bucky and Elle look at each other. Sighing, Elle looks at Bucky. "Yeah, we have a few things to talk about Friday night."

Nodding, Bucky walks them home. He makes sure that they are safe inside before walking off. He is kind of glad that her life is strange but he wonders what else he doesn't know. Sighing, he looks up at the tower. "I guess that's why people date. God help me."

Deep in the SHIELD archives, Angela accesses the global archives. Tapping her fingers, she waits for her search results and smiles when the search completes. Opening the file, she smiles and sees Elle's picture, name, birthday, birth certificate, and medical history. "Well, well, well, it looks like little Miss Perfect isn't so perfect."

 ***** Author's Note *****

I would like to personally thank RussianAssassin for giving me the inspiration to make Angela the villain. I was originally going to have her fade away into oblivion but I realized that she could still be useful. Don't worry though RussianAssassin, Angela will die.


	9. Chapter 9

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 9: Stars, Pizza, and Friends: Bucky Learns More and Nothing

Bucky smiles and grabs his motorcycle keys. "Stevie, I'm going out. Don't text every five minutes and don't worry, I won't corrupt her."

Laughing, Steve gives his friend a faux salute and sees him off. "Good luck, Buck. Remember, be yourself."

Smiling, Bucky leaves and speeds off to Elle's apartment. Butterflies flit through his stomach and he knows that Wade will be there, but it doesn't matter. He will be alone in the same place with Elle. Watching traffic, he pulls into Benny's pizza and looks at his phone.

Looking at his phone he realizes that Wade must have taken it. Elle knows how grammar works and doesn't make every message end with a crude drawing of a penis. Reading and analyzing the texts carefully, he orders three pizzas one Carnivores Dream and one Kitchen Sink and one Vegetarian Delight.

Taking a very deep breath, he buzzes the intercom and waits. Pacing for what seems like hours -in reality it was seconds- before the intercom buzzes. He immediately straightens his shirt when he hears her voice. "Hello? Who is this?"

Hitting the button, Bucky smirks. "I'm the world's sexiest pizza man."

The door opens and Bucky grins and walks in carrying the boxes. Walking up the stairs, Bucky hears scratching and female cursing. Laughing, he knocks on the door. "Pizza delivery boy."

Wade opens the door wearing a neon pink adult onsie and his mask. "Daddy! You're home!"

Bucky shakes his head and walks inside the apartment. "Elle, I'm here and I have pizza!"

Elle walks into the living room wearing black sweat pants and a white shirt. "I'm sorry that I'm not presentable,but I don't really like dressing up-"

Wade runs off with the boxes as the raccoon zips by a head of him. Looking at Bucky, Deadpool opens the first box. "It means that she's off ,at home, on her day off, and if she wants to walk around dressed like a slob then she will."

Face palming, Elle smiles at Bucky. "A round of applause for my translator."

The raccoon walks over to Bucky. "Who is this bald-body? What's your interest in her? Why are you wearing a holographic image inducer on your left arm?"

Shocked, Bucky looks at the raccoon. "Who and what the hell are you?"

Looking up at Bucky, the raccoon smiles. "The name is Rocket Raccoon and who the hell are you?"

Sighing, Elle holds her head and rubs her temples. "Boys! Stop. Let's eat."

Sighing, Bucky sits on the couch next to Elle. Looking at her he smiles until Wade and Rocket sit next on each side of them. Wade looks at them. "No frickle fraking the tally whack until the bells go ding ding!"

Elle looks around, under, and in the couch. "Where is the remote?"

Rocket points to a device sitting in the corner. Looking confusedly at the device, he looks at them. "What in the hell is that?"

Rocket gets a Carnivore slice and smirks. "It's a bomb that creates a singularity and sucks everything in for a pre-set period of time."

Raising a brow, Bucky looks at it. "What in the hell?"

Grabbing a slice of Veggie and a slice of Kitchen Sink, Elle sighs. "What did I say? You two built a black hole generator in the middle of my damned apartment. Bucky, would you like to be alone for a bit?"

Nodding, Bucky grabs the Veggie and Kitchen Sink boxes. "Yeah, we kind of need to talk."

Looking saddened, Elle nods and grabs some beers and blankets. "I figured as much. Follow me. Boys, stay here."

The couple walk up the stairs in silence. Bucky looks at her and watches as she opens the roof door. He keeps it open for her and lets her go out first. She nods and points to a telescope. "Over here."

He lays the blankets out and they huddle beneath. Looking at her his heart flutters and he feels his heart fight itself. "How do you know Deadpool and why is there a talking raccoon in your apartment?"

Popping open a bottle and handing it to Bucky, she looks towards the stars. "When I was sixteen I ran away from home. My father, was and is a terrible human and I couldn't live near or around him. I was caught by Blind Al trying to steal a plate of chicken from her dinner table. The door was wide open so I just walked in. She smacked my hand with her cane and smelled the air. I remember her seeing me by touching my face. She's gruff, tough, and a good woman. She raised me and kept me safe. She kept dad off my tail and taught me how to hide. I'm still hiding."

Looking at her, Bucky doesn't see dishonesty in her eyes. "What did he do?"

She looks into the distance and takes a long sip from her beer. "He wanted me to be as cruel and callous as him. I couldn't take it anymore."

Bucky puts his right hand around her shoulders and brings her closer to him. "That still doesn't explain the raccoon."

Chuckling, Elle looks at Bucky. "Wade. That is the only explanation I have. Just, Wade."

Smiling, Bucky holds his bottle up as an invitation. "To strange lives?"

Clinking her bottle against his, she smiles. "To strange lives."

Bucky keeps her close to him and sips his beer. "Maybe, next time we can go out and leave the asylum behind."

Elle nods and looks back as something downstairs explodes. "Yeah, I heard Mars is lovely this time of year."

Chuckling, Bucky nods and looks up. "I heard the neighbors were quiet too."

Deadpool walks up to them with half of his suit burned off. "We may have exploded your microwave."

Looking at his phone, Bucky sees sixteen new texts. Most are from Tony and Clint sending suggestive innuendo and childish comments. He looks at the ones from Steve and Sam and he rolls his eyes. "Wade, Daddy and Mommy are having adult time. Get the fire extinguisher."

Deadpool scratches his neck. "That's what exploded the microwave."

Elle looks at Bucky and sighs. "I'm sorry that our first official date is ridiculous."

Helping her up, Bucky smiles. "Actually, I learned a lot tonight. I learned that you can definitely handle my dip-shit friends."

Looking up, Elle smiles. "So, we can go on another date?"

Bucky nods and smiles. "Yeah, only this time, my place. I think it is safer."

Deep in the under ground of New York, Angela waits for her contact. Sighing, she checks her phone and jerks when she sees a young drug addict with a folder walking towards her. "Are you here on behalf of Dr. Bot?"

Nodding, the young man hands her the folder. "Yeah, he says everything you want is there and now it is your turn."

Angela smirks and pulls out a flash drive. "All of SHIELD's security codes. Have fun."

Walking, Angela reads the additional files and laughs. "On the run you little rat? Let's see how long you can run when Daddy finds out where his little monster lives and works. After this, Barnes won't go near her with a ten foot pole."


	10. Chapter 10

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that

Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

**** Author's Note: Please don't tell me that any one thought I could possibly bring in Rocket Raccoon without bringing Groot along for the ride. Seriously, someone needs to be the voice of reason.****

Chapter 10: Date Night: Part One

Pacing, Elle waits for Bucky to pick her up for their date. She meets his friends - all of them- tonight and dread fills her. What if they find out? What if they already know? What if Bucky can't look at her anymore? She turns to pace again but Rocket blocks her path. "Rocket? What are you doing? It isn't another bomb is it?"

Shaking his head, Rocket scurries up her leg and sits himself on her shoulder. "Solid shoulders, nice. Anyways, you need to tell him before you go out with him. I don't know shit about your past and honestly, I don't give a damn, but I know that you really like this bald-body. If he likes you the same way you like and accept him, then he will stay, if he doesn't then I have a few toys that need testing. You're young, kind, attractive, and honestly I'm starting to think you're some kind of superhuman with the power of endless patience."

Smiling, Elle kisses his cheek. "Aw, Rocket, you've been drinking again."

Laughing, he curls up around her neck. "Only a little, but I'm serious. You're a catch. If he can't see that then he doesn't deserve you."

Smiling, she scratches his head and takes a seat on the couch. Getting up, she notices a potted plant on the table. "What is that?"

Opening one eye, Rocket yawns. "Not a what, a who, and his name is Groot."

Fascinated, Elle watches as the twig like plant opens it's eyes and smiles at her. He waves and motions for her to pick up his pot. "I am Groot!"

Giggling, she picks up the pot and holds it. "Hi, my name is Elle. It is a pleasure to meet you Groot."

Groot wraps a vine around her hand and shakes it. "I am Groot!"

Looking at Groot, she notices that the soil looks dry. Gently, she takes her left index finger and pokes the soil. "Poor, baby. You're thirsty aren't you?"

Nodding, Groot looks at her. "I am Groot."

Cooing, Elle goes to the kitchen and turns on the tap. "Don't you worry, Elle will make sure you're all watered."

Turning on the tap, she notices that Groot's roots are poking out of the soil when he moves. "Baby, you're root bound! Let me get you a bigger pot and we can get you watered and comfortable."

Wade is walking through the living room when Bucky buzzes. Smirking, Wade answers. "Hello?"

Bucky looks at the intercom and sighs. "Wade, where's Elle?"

Looking behind him he sees Elle dragging out a large cedar planter. "She's planting Groot right now, wanna see?"

Shaking his head, Bucky sighs. "Yes, just let me in Wade."

Shrugging, Deadpool buzzes him in. "Okay, Daddy."

Bucky walks up the stairs and hears Elle cooing over someone. His first thought is that she's watching a baby but he hears a tiny voice. Confused, he knocks on the door. Deadpool answers wearing a pink bunny costume with a leprechaun hat. "Daddy! Come in! Mommy's attending the baby."

Raising his brows, Bucky looks at Deadpool. "Baby?"

Nodding, Wade takes him to the kitchen. He sees Elle -with Rocket still curled around her neck- planting a small -moving- tree into a large cedar planter. "Elle? What's going on?"

Chuckling, Elle looks at him as she places Groot gently in the soil. "Meet the newest addition to my apartment, Groot. Groot this is Bucky. We are dating."

Shocked, Bucky watches Groot wave. Slowly, Bucky waves back. "Hello, Groot."

Smiling as he is watered, Groot looks at Bucky. "I am Groot!"

Nodding, Bucky walks over to Elle. "Elle? Can we talk, alone?"

Elle nods and gently pokes Rocket awake. "Keep watering Groot while Bucky and I talk."

Grumbling, Rocket takes the watering can from Elle. Smiling, Elle walks over to Bucky. "Yeah?"

Trying to find the words for his thoughts, Bucky looks at her for a moment. He doesn't know what to think. She's watering and transplanting a talking plant like it is the most normal thing on Earth. "Elle, doll. What in the actual fuck?"

Frowning, Elle realizes what Bucky means. "For me, taking in strange things is normal. Al taught me that normal is relative and that different doesn't mean bad."

Nodding, Bucky puts his right hand on her shoulder. "Okay, I get that, but you live with Wade Wilson, a talking Raccoon, and a talking tree. None of this seems odd to you?"

Sighing, Elle looks at Bucky. "Not really. Bucky sit down. There is something I need to tell you."

Sitting, Bucky looks at her. His first thought is that she's going to tell him that she's an alien, or that beneath her shirt she has retracted tentacles. "What's on your mind, Elle?"

Pacing, Elle wrings her hands and takes a deep breath. "Before we get too serious, I need you to know this. I just want to say that this isn't easy for me to tell you, but you deserve to know. You above all people deserve to know."

Panic builds in Bucky. "Elle, what's wrong?"

Stopping, Elle looks at Bucky. "Martin is my mother's maiden name. When I ran away I needed and alias so I used my middle name and her maiden name."

Bucky nods and sees the fear in her eyes. "What is your real name?"

Wringing her hands, she looks at him. "Athena Eleanor Rumlow. He wanted me to be a killer like him, but I couldn't do it. He trained me from the age of six to kill, fight, and , I couldn't do it. When I was sixteen he had to leave on an emergency mission and he forgot that I still had a quarter in my pocket."

Frowning, Bucky looks at her. "What does a quarter have to do with anything?"

Sighing, Elle sits. "The door seal was so tight that once it shut it stayed shut, but if you put something between the door and the seal it would easily pop open. I managed to wedge the quarter in the door just before it shut and I ran. Bucky, I am not Brock."

Looking at her, Bucky sees bits of Rumlow in her features. Taking off his coat and shirt, he disable the image inducer. "I guess we both have secrets. I'm not mad at you. I know what Brock is like and if he was my old man I wouldn't admit either. Seeing you taking care of these guys shows me that you are most certainly not Brock Rumlow."

Smiling, Elle cries. "Thank you for understanding."

Gently, Bucky takes her chin in his metal hand. "Just because people say we are something doesn't mean we are, right?"

Nodding, Elle gently touches the hand that holds her chin. "Exactly. Wait, it's quiet."

Looking behind Elle, Bucky sees Wade and Rocket covered in paint. "Elle, why don't stay with me tonight and bring Groot with you."

Leaning into Bucky, Elle looks up at him. "Do I even want to know?"

Shaking his head, he looks at her. "Probably not, but I don't want to leave Groot here with them. Why don't we carry him with us?"

Looking at Groot's pot, Elle thinks. "I guess, but won't it look odd carrying a plant around?"

Bucky shrug's. "We can tell the team about your microwave."

Elle nods. "Yeah, good point. Let's go, Groot. Bucky is going to carry you and strap you on to the motorcycle."

Groot claps and smiles up at Bucky. "Groot!"

Laughter breaks out behind Elle and she sighs. "Damn it you two. Wade's already corrupting him."

Looking at Rocket, Bucky tilts his head. "What did he say?"

Laughing, Rocket looks at Bucky. "Daddy!"

Bucky looks at the two. "I mean it, don't blow up the place while she's gone! We will be back."

Smiling, she walks out with Bucky and Groot. "I guess I meet your friends."

Nodding, Bucky straps Groot on and gives Elle her helmet. "Yep, given your situation, I know that you're ready."

He plants a chaste kiss on her lips and smiles. "They'll love you, I promise."

Smiling, Elle kisses him back. "They can't be any worse than my crew."

Bucky carries Groot as he and Elle walk into the tower. On the giant television screen is a picture of Steve and Bucky and the Commandos in drag. Bucky looks blankly at the screen and then at Elle. "I'm immediately regretting my choice in friends."


	11. Chapter 11

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that

Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

***Author's note: I'm aware that Crossbones and Brock Rumlow are the same person. Angela is evil but so self-absorbed that she doesn't. Her end is coming quickly.***

********* Happy 99th Birthday Buck Barnes!*********

Chapter 11: Date Night:Part 2

Tony, Clint, Steve, and Sam walk up wearing dresses and cheap wigs. Bucky sighs and looks at them. "Lovely, I thought we burned those pictures, Steve."

Smiling, Steve shakes his head. "What? Blame Dugan, he's the one who saved them."

Nodding, Bucky smiles. "And you pick the same night that I bring Elle to meet everyone as the one night to dress in drag and bring my days of Army comedy to light."

Tony smiles and claps Bucky on the back. "Yeah, because you're family now Barnes."

Elle taps Bucky's shoulder and whispers in his ear. He looks at her for a moment and laughs. "You sure?"

She nods enthusiastically and Bucky takes her to his room. Tony and the others whistle. "Go get her, Barnes!"

Steve looks at Tony and laughs. "Guys, that cannot be a good thing. You do realize that he that look in his eyes."

Tilting his head, Sam looks at Cap. "What look?"

Chuckling, Steve smirks. "The same look he would have when he had a particularly crazy idea."

Bucky watches as Elle empties her purse on her bed. His eyes go wide as he sees the contents. "How do you fit all that in there? What does some of this stuff even do?"

Laughing, Elle takes out her eyeliner. "I guess you will find out soon enough!"

Groot giggles as he watches Elle work. Watching the pair, Groot starts hopping. "Groot!"

Looking at Groot, Elle tilts her head. "He does have beautiful eyes, teal or purple eye shadow, Groot?"

Pointing, Groot picks purple. "Groot!"

Nodding, Elle picks the purple pallete and smiles. "I agree, quit squirming Bucky, woman up!"

Glaring playfully, Bucky looks at her. "I don't see how women do this. It feels funny and it takes so much work."

Shrugging, Elle gently puts the shadow on him. "Consider make-up application as part of the extensive training it takes to be a girl. We are told to play with make-up from a young age and some even decide to make a career of it."

Smirking, Bucky blinks when she's done with his eyes. "And yet I've only seen you wear make-up twice."

Smiling, Elle puts everything back into her bag. "Well, I think we both know that I'm not what most people would consider normal."

Elle takes his spot on the bed as Bucky pilfers through his closet. "Now, let's make you look like the most good looking fella in town."

Clint sees Elle and Bucky come out and starts laughing. "Guys! I think I know why Bucky had that look in his eyes."

Turning, Steve and Sam see what the pair where doing. Laughing, Steve looks at them. "Well, this isn't what I was expecting."

Bucky has his shirt tied and a pair of socks stuffed into the breasts. He is wearing an oversized bow in his hair and looks kind of like the bearded lady. Elle is wearing a tie and one of his dress shirts. Her hair is slicked back and she has a goatee drawn on her face. She looks like Howard Stark. Laughing, Steve looks at the pair. "Well, that plan backfired."

Nodding, Tony smiles. "Well done, Barnes. You found a crazy one. How did you convince her to go drag?"

Elle raises a brow. "Who said it was his idea?"

Clint laughs. "I like her! She's an honorary team member. Why are you carrying a plant around?"

Looking at each other,they silently debate who should tell them what happened. Sighing, Bucky nods. "Yeah, her roommates blew up her microwave the other night."

Raising his brows, Sam looks at her. "How did they do that?"

Shrugging, Elle looks at him. "With a fire extenguisher."

Shocked, Tony looks at her. "How!"

Nonchalantly, Elle and Bucky walk over to the couch and place a napping Groot on the coffee table. Sighing, they settle on the couch and put their feet wraps his left arm around Elle's shoulder. "We'll tell you when we figure it out. What are we watching tonight?"

Tony opens his mouth and closes it. None of them thought the couple would stick around this long. "We do not know."

Leaning against Bucky, Elle snuggles. "Have you seen "Finding Nemo" I think you might like it."

Sam goes to protest the movie choice but Clint runs into the common room shouting. Laughing, Clint jumps on to the couch next to Elle and Bucky. "Fish are friends, not food!"

Chuckling, Sam looks at the group. "I was going to protest and say it is a kid's movie; then I remembered who I live with."

Clapping, Tony smiles. "Now that the movie is picked we can order pizza and get started!"

Steve watched the movie but he couldn't help but watch his best friend. Bucky is happy. Smiling, Steve takes pictures of Bucky and Elle through out the movie and sends them to Nat and Bruce. Quietly, the team turns off the television and puts a blanket over the sleeping couple.

The next morning Bruce and Natasha sneak into the common room to see the still sleeping couple. Tiptoing, Bruce leans close to them but hears a tiny yawn from the table. Turning slowly, he sees Groot rubbing his eyes.

Looking at the strange man, Groot smiles and waves. "I am Groot."

Bruce and Natasha look at one another and slowly walk out. Looking at Bruce, Natasha takes a deep breath. "Medical or psychiatric?"

Biting his lip, Bruce looks at her. "Both."

Angela watches the security footage and screams. "Why hasn't he left her yet! She confessed! He should hate her! Time to bring in the big guns!"

She taps a number into her burner phone and growls. "Bring in Crossbones! If he won't let her go, then we will take her out of the picture!"


	12. Chapter 12

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

**** Author's Note: I'm not sure if everyone is familiar with the cephalapod referred to as the blue ringed octopus, but it is a very deadly little octopus no larger than a golf ball. I encourage everyone reading this to research it. It is beautiful for an octopus, but it's strange beauty is also a warning of its deadly attack. ****

Chapter 12: Meeting The Family: Normal Doesn't Exist

Bucky wakes up to the smell of lavender and the feel of a warm body against his. Blinking, he looks down and sees Elle wrapped around him like an octopus. Smiling, he kisses her forehead and gently nudges her. "Hey, as nice as this is I really have to go to the bathroom."

Whining, she lets go of him and grabs the blanket and buries herself in it. Chuckling quietly, Bucky pads to his room. Smiling, he reaches his bathroom and relieves himself. After washing his hands, he finds a spare toothbrush and walks int the common area. "Hey, Elle! I have a spare toothbr-"

He sees Elle sitting up alert. Frightened, she looks at him. "Don't move. Listen."

Listening, Bucky hears faint but heavy breathing. "Why don't I show you to the bathroom, Elle?"

Nodding slowly, Elle moves Groot to the kitchen. She hides him under the bar. Finding a gun, she grabs it and aims. "Come out!"

Jumping, Bucky is startled by her sudden outburst but it is the dark chuckling that follows that makes his blood run cold. Looking up, Bucky watches as Crossbones breaks through the vents. Laughing darkly, Brock stalks towards Elle. "It looks like you finally learned how to hold a gun, question is would you shoot your old man?"

Unblinking, Elle fires a shot into Brock's gut. "You tell me."

Laughing as the bullet falls out of his armor, he claps. "My goodness, you really have grown. Even managed to soften the Asset."

Bucky growls and hits Crossbones with a bar stool. "Last time I heard, the only thing softened is your face. How's the burns?"

Growling, Brock breaks the stool and hits Bucky. "You're gonna regret that, Soldier."

The Avengers rush to the common and see Bucky and Elle facing off with Crossbones. Natasha looks at Elle and doesn't see a timid shy waitress but a trained assassin. "You're out numbered Rumlow."

Laughing, Brock looks at Elle. "Monkshood."

Horrified, Bucky watches Elle's eyes go dark and her aim turns to Natasha. "Elle, no!"

Unphased, Elle fires. Her bullet hits the metal door frame and ricochets. The team watches as it hits Brock in the neck. Turning, Elle smiles. "You really are stupid."

Yelling, he rushes her and throws her into the television. The glass breaks and one shard lodges into her left shoulder. The team attack and Bruce runs to call for back up. Natasha goes to help Elle up but watches as she pulls the shard out and stands up. "Thanks, but I'm fine. Brock, I'm going to kill you with this."

Fighting off the team, Brock laughs. "Is that so, Princess?"

Tony calls his armor and the team takes cover behind the couch. "Hey, leave her alone. Don't you know that we don't take abuse kindly here?"

Cracking his neck, Brock looks at Tony and drops a modified EMP grenade. "Self-defense if she threatens to kill me."

The grenade fries the suit and Tony is rendered immobile. Elle, uses this moment to throw the glass shard. It lodges in Brock's right eye. "You're right. I won't kill you today. Go lick your wounds."

Growling and pulling the shard out of his eye, Brock opens the balcony window. "I'm coming back for you, ungrateful bitch!"

Wiping the blood from her lip. "I will be ready."

He jumps off the balcony and a Hydra chopper catches him. She stares him down as he runs. Turning, she sees the team looking at her. "Is everyone okay?"

Nodding, Steve looks at her. "You have some explaining to do."

Bucky grabs Steve's arm. "I already knew."

Steve looks between his best friend and Elle. "You two medical and then the briefing room. Bruce, help Tony out of the suit and to medical."

Nodding, Bucky helps Elle to medical. "Are you okay, doll?"

Shaking her head, she leans on him. "No, he's back. This means that he won't stop until he's either dead or I'm with Hydra. Judging from what I've seen today I don't think killing him will be easy."

Fury greets them at medical. "If it isn't Hydra's old weapon and their poster child."

Looking up at Fury, Elle glares. "You don't know anything about me."

Tossing a file to her, he looks at her. "I don't? What do you know about your mother?"

Glaring, Bucky steps in front of Elle. "Why don't you leave her alone?"

Unphased, Fury looks at Elle. "What do you know about your mother?"

Ripping the folder in half, Elle looks at him. "That she's dead. Anymore questions?"

Startled, Bucky looks at her and gently takes the halves from her hands. "Elle, you don't have to tell him anything."

Shaking, Elle leans into Bucky's embrace. "I never wanted this."

Looking at Fury, Bucky holds her. "I think you should go, Nick. Something tells me that you're lucky that she had the folder in her hands and not you."

Nodding, Fury looks at Steve as he walks in. "Oh, we traced the security leak. It was Angela. You know her. Your girlfriend's friend. The only thing Ms. Martin is guilty of is having a thing for older men."

Hurt, Bucky looks at Steve. "You, thought Elle was responsible for the leaks?"

Steve looks at Bucky sadly. "Things started leaking when you two started dating. We weren't sure until today. There was no way to know for sure until Brock tried to kill her. Buck, I'm sorry."

Shaking his head, Bucky looks at Steve and the team. "Don't apologize to me, apologize to my girlfriend, Elle. You know her don't you? The one that Natasha liked and trusted enough to give me the chance to talk to her?"

Hurt, Steve looks down. "Buck, please understand. It looked really bad."

Chuckling bitterly, Bucky looks at the team. "I'm on vacation. Elle is hurt and needs to be taken care of properly. Unless I'm not trustworthy enough to do that."

Tony steps in and looks at Bucky. "Calm down, Barnes."

Looking at Tony as he holds Elle. "No. I wasn't told by any of you about any of this. That shows that not only did you not trust her, but you didn't trust me. I'm going on vacation. Can we get a fucking medic over here!"

Bucky sits her on an exam table and sits next to her. "I will get Groot and we can safe house for a while. How does that sound?"

Nodding, Elle sits still as the medics remove glass from her back. "Wade knows a few good places to hide."

Massaging her scalp, he watches as they remove pieces from her back. "I guess I get to play mother hen again."

Smiling, Elle feels him slip his hand into hers. "You don't think that I didn't see Brock hit you? I'm not the only one getting fussed at."

Natasha walks up to the couple. "They won't stop chasing you. Steve means well. Just don't run."

Bucky looks at Elle and she nods. Taking Nat aside, he looks at her. "What would you have her do, Nat?"

Looking him in the eyes. "Fight. Bruce and I found something on our travels and we stole it."

Raising a brow, he looks at her. "What did you steal?"

Pulling out her Stark Pad, Natasha pulls up a file. "A new set of Hydra Tactical Gear. It is called Project Blue Ring. I'm willing to put money on it being made for her."

Tilting his head, he looks at the schematics. "What does it do?"

Crossing her arms, Natasha looks at the Pad. "Besides being bullet proof, knife proof, and shock proof? The suit will glow with blue rings when in close quarter combat and who ever touches the rings dies a very quick but painful death. The energy the rings give off supposedly act like the venom of the blue ringed octopus."

Concentrating on the image, Bucky looks at Elle. "If you could use this against them, would you?"

Taking the Pad, Elle looks at the suit. "I don't want to be a weapon."

Smirking, Natasha takes the Pad from Elle. "Like Brock said, it is self-defense if they threaten you."

Elle is about to protest when Bucky begins whispering in her ear. Her facial expressions are comical and Tony walks over and laughs. He knows those looks. "Natasha, watch the world's best motivator at work."

Raising a brow, Elle looks at Bucky. "You would do all of that?"

Nodding, Bucky smirks seductively. "All you have to do is try it on."

Gaping, Elle looks at Natasha and Tony. "I'm in."

Sam walks in carrying Groot. Looking at Bucky and Elle, he holds out the large pot. The team watches as Groot opens his arms out to Bucky and Elle. "Groot!"

Dumbfounded, Tony looks at Bucky. "So, he was dancing when I wasn't looking."

Giggling, Groot leans against Bucky. Smiling, Bucky pats Groot's back. "Probably, most coups adopt pets or children, we adopt sentient plant people and other things."

Tony is about to question Bucky when Bruce walks in confused. "Elle, there is an elderly blind woman in the lobby asking for you. She is currently hitting a young man with a cane and claiming that the raccoon with her is a service animal. Do you know them?"

Bucky and Elle look at each other. Natasha watches in amazement as they have an entire conversation using only facial expressions. Finally, Elle looks at the team and beams. "Yes, I do! That's my real family! I just need to warn everyone, don't piss off the raccoon."

Tony is about to question Elle when the raccoon scurries through doors. Standing in it's hind legs it crosses it's arms."What the actual fuck, Elle! I know I said be adventurous but this is nuts, even for me! Plus, Al is pissed that you're hurt."

Smiling, Bucky looks at the team. "That's why. Everyone, meet Rocket. Rocket this is the group of people I work with."

Looking around, Rocket looks unimpressed. "Yay, another group of bald body jackasses to look at."

Smiling, Tgony looks at Rocket. "I like him!"

Clapping, Groot reaches for Natasha. Smiling, Bucky holds the pot to her. "He wants you to hold him."

Gently, Natasha takes the pot and smiles at Bruce. "He's cute. I want one."

Looking at Bucky, Bruce sighs. "You act like this is normal."

Smiling, Bucky points to image induced Wade pulling a chimichanga out of his jeans pocket. "My mom told me that to make a marriage normal you have to remember a few rules, but one rule really stuck with me. Normal is relative; even if your partner's relatives are not. Besides, if you guys really want us to stay you better get used to this crew."

Sighing, Bruce watches Clint pull a burrito out of his quiver. "Right, how strange can things get?"

Angela is on a private jet riding to her next safe house. Angry, she looks at the monitor. "What do you mean she's still alive! It shouldn't be difficult to kill an out of practice assassin! I want her dead or I have your head! It is that simple!"

The agent on the other side laughs. "Out of practice? Bring up Crossbones medical report; images included."

Tapping her fingers, Angela looks at the damage. "Prepare my suit. Let's see how this little guppy likes swimming with the big sharks."


	13. Chapter 13

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

**** Author's First Note: This is fluffy mostly. I feel that the best way to portray Bucky's intentions would be to have Al and Bucky talk about his intentions and have him learn about Elle through her family. As a broken soul himself, he understands that not everyone will open up to people -even people they love and trust- that is why they are talking. ****

Chapter 13: Bucky Learns: A Heart to Heart with Al

Al is fussing over Elle when they go up to the common room. "I'm not out of town for a month and you're already going nuts! I can't believe that you managed to keep the apartment complex intact. You feel thin, are you eating enough?"

Sitting on the couch, Elle sighs. "The complex is intact, my apartment is not. I'm eating plenty. Nana Al, I'm fine, really! It's only a scratch!"

Stepping next to Al, Bucky frowns. "Scratch? You pulled a nine inch shard of glass out of your shoulder and took out Brock's right eye with it! I agree with your Nana. You're resting!"

Cackling, Al looks turns to Bucky's voice and reaches out. Her hand lands on his butt. "You listen to this very handsome looking young man! He's got a good head on his shoulders."

Jumping, Bucky rubs his rump and looks at Elle. Elle face palms. "Nana! That wasn't his face!"

Smiling, Al turns to her. "I know. If his face feels half as good as his tush then you have a real catch."

Bucky, grabs some pillows and forces Elle to sit back. "Thank you, ma'am. Bruce told me that you need to eat with your pain meds. What do you two want?"

Shrugging, Al looks at him. "Doesn't matter to me. Give her something easy to digest. Tomato soup."

Sighing, Elle finds a comfortable way to lay. "I'm injured, not dead!"

Smiling, Bucky kisses her nose. "I know, but you just laughed in medical for an hour because Clint and Wade wouldn't stop making farting noises with their armpits."

Giggling, Elle looks at Bucky. "I hate pain meds."

Nudging her with her cane, Al smiles. "Rest, I need to talk with Titanium Buns here."

Nodding, Elle closes her eyes and is immediately asleep. Tilting her head, Al navigates with her cane and follows the sound of Bucky's feet. "So you're the fella that Wade talked about. Tell me, boy. What do you want from her?"

Looking for the soup, Bucky furrows his brows in confusion. "I'm sorry, what do you mean?"

Finding a stool, Al sits. "Some people want nothing but sex, some want friends, some want marriage, and some want love. What do you want?"

Bucky finds the tomato soup and looks at Al. "Friendship, love, and may be marriage. I just know I want her to be happy."

Humming thoughtfully, Al looks at him. "Why?"

Looking up from the utensil drawer, Bucky thinks. "I just do, I don't know why. I guess it like that sparkle in her eyes when she's happy. It sounds cheesy and don't tell the others I ever said it."

Chuckling, Al listens. "So, what was the first thing you noticed about her?"

Pouring the soup into the pot, Bucky chuckles. "The way she moved at work. She's like water. Smooth, graceful, but with a hint of danger."

Bowing her head, Al laughs. "You're not wrong and I hate to admit it but it looks like Wade isn't either."

Confused, Bucky turns on the range and looks at Al. "What do you mean?"

Sighing, Al turns her head to Bucky. "That you two really could be a serious thing. I lived a dangerous life like yours once and I never got to have a family of my own; that's why I take in people, but she's different. She's the one who needed me to be a mother. I remember her telling rude folks that I was her grandmother. Don't hurt my little girl. She's strong but I can't stand to hear her cry."

Looking at Al, Bucky gently puts this hands on Al's. "I would never hurt her. You know how they say opposites attract? Well, they are right and wrong. I see the good parts of myself in her. The love for adventure and simple things. The need to be useful and take care of others, but at the same time I see all the things that I'm not. I see someone who isn't afraid to be silly and doesn't care if people stare. I see someone who is secure and doesn't mind what everyone thinks. I see someone who doesn't see the differences or the strangeness of difference in one's self. I see someone who accepts people because they are people."

Smiling, Al pats his hands. "You are a very smart man. I take it that you showed her your arm. She's never cared about things like my blindness, Wade's appearance, or our oddness. I remember when she turned seventeen that she saw a fifteen year old boy being picked on by a group of punks. The little shits were picking on the poor kid because of his Downs Syndrome. I remember hearing her walk over and ask the young man if he wanted to have lunch with us. His mom was in the bathroom and found us in the food court. She was glad that he made new friend. They helped each other out of their shells. That young man makes web comics now. He makes good money from commissioning his work. He's a graphic design artist for some big company."

Smiling, Bucky tests the soup. "She never told me that."

Laughing, Al shakes her head. "She won't either. I asked her once why she doesn't brag about the good she does, do you want to know what she told me?"

Nodding, Bucky ladles the soup into two bowls. "Please."

Smiling sadly, Al looks up. "Because the legacy of a good life isn't told with words it is told with how many lives are changed for the better."

Smiling, Bucky puts the bowls on a tray. "A good motto to live by."

Picking up the tray, Bucky starts to walk out. Al grabs him by the arm and puts her free hand on his face. "She doesn't expect good things to last and I guess -for her- they never do. Prove her wrong, boy. Be the one good thing in her life that doesn't vanish."

Nodding, Bucky offers his free arm to Al. "I promise I won't vanish, ma'am."

Smiling, Al takes his arm. "Good. She is a lucky girl. Your top is as good looking as your bottom."

Blushing, he smiles. "I'm glad you approve, ma'am."

Chuckling, she listens to his breathing. "Now, before we wake her up, I've got a task for you two. I've got an entertainment center coming in tomorrow and I need someone to put it together for me. I would do it myself but I've got to talk with a few people about my cousin. He finally kicked the bucket and now I've got to handle all his shit. Could you two do it for me?"

Nodding, Bucky looks at her. "Sure, if I'm going to date your little girl then I need to be part of her family."

Smiling, Al taps her cane against the floor three times. Bucky watches as Elle opens his her eyes. "I'm awake, Nana!"

Smiling, Bucky sits next to her. "I've got good news. One, the soup is ready. Two, we are going to build an entertainment center for Miss Al."

Al smiles at Elle. "Consider it a test."

Nodding, Elle smiles at Bucky. "Okay."

*****Author's Note: If anyone has ever had to build IKEA furniture or any type of assemble it yourself furniture then you know why Al is having them do this. It will either make the relationship stronger or destroy it.*****


	14. Chapter 14

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 14: Making It Work: Breaking Barriers

Bucky rides in the back with Elle and Rocket as Wade drives them to Al's home. Gripping the seat, Bucky looks at Elle. "Does he always drive like this?"

Shaking her head calmly, Elle looks at him. "No, he's actually driving slower than usual."

Eyes going wide, Bucky looks at her. "This is slow!"

Nodding, Elle takes his hand. "Yeah. Just relax, the hard part is about to begin."

Confused and terrified, Bucky grips her hand. "What do you mean the hard part?"

Looking at Bucky, Elle sighs. "Have you ever assembled IKEA furniture?"

Shaking his head, Bucky concentrates on her. "No, but I've assemble IEDs and RPG launchers."

Elle looks at him. "That's easy. IKEA isn't."

Closing his eyes, Bucky breaths. He doesn't care about any of that right now. He is praying that no one -himself included- dies because Wade drives like he's playing one of those car stealing video games. Breathing hard, he suddenly feels Elle's head leaning against his shoulder. Looking over at her, he frowns. "You okay?"

Shaking her head, she looks at him. "No, the meds make me feel funny. Where's Groot?"

Taking care not to touch her hurt shoulder, he wraps his arm around her. "Natasha and Bruce are care of him. I told them what we were going to do and they immediately volunteered. Nat said something about Groot shouldn't hear my mouth. I don't get it."

Smiling, Elle plays with the zipper of his hoodie. "You will soon. I hope we can do this."

Holding her close, Bucky kisses her head. "We will. Don't worry. I will build and you read the instructions."

Al chuckles but remains quiet. She knows that it never works that way. Team work is required, but maybe they can work around her injury. She doesn't want jinx it but she knows that this is a fool proof way to see if they have what it takes. She just wants Elle to have what she gave up. Love.

Wade drives up to the small place and sees the large box waiting. "Lookie! It's here! I'm going to take Al around town. We will be back when we sort it out. Bye!"

Al kisses Elle's cheek. "Good luck, honey."

Hugging Al, Elle whispers. "I hope we make it. I kinda like him."

Smiling, Al waves. "Good luck. I've got cash in case you two want to order take out later. Don't destroy my house!"

Bucky carries the box inside. "Okay, doll. Sit on the couch and we can get started."

Nodding, Elle sits and grabs the instruction book that he hands her. "Let's get started."

Setting everything out, Bucky hears Elle curse. "What's wrong, doll?"

Looking between Bucky and the book, Elle scowls. "Please tell me that you can read Swedish."

Confused, Bucky looks at the book. "Aren't there English instructions?"

Shaking her head, Elle looks at him. "Nope. She ordered this one straight out of Sweden."

Sighing, Bucky sits with his back against her legs. "The one fucking language I can't speak."

Sighing, Elle plays with his hair. "Wait! Does the box have a model number? Maybe we can get the English instructions on line?"

Standing up, Bucky kisses her and grabs her tablet out of her bag. "You are brilliant!"

Three hours later, Bucky is ready to scream. "Hydra has nothing on these people! These instructions don't make sense! And they're in English!"

Breathing deeply, Elle looks at him. "Maybe we need to take a break. Order some greasy Chinese take out and see what we figure out from there."

Tossing the tiny tools aside, Bucky nods. "You're right, but I think that this is cruel and unusual punishment."

Nodding, Elle digs out a Chinese take out menu. "Agreed. What do you want?"

Walking up behind her, he peers at the menu. "It all looks good. I guess the beef lo mien, two egg rolls, and shrimp fried rice."

Nodding, she looks at it and closes it. "Okay. I know what I want. I will order it and we can take a break."

Nodding, Bucky sits on the couch and looks at the pile of particle boards and loose screws and bolts. Nothing about the instructions make sense and the whole thing seems like a cruel test of some kind, but he can understand why Al had them do it. This is the ultimate make it or break it test. Sure, they've both shouted but they aren't mad at each other. Looking up, he sees Elle walking towards him. "Hey, sorry I yelled. I shouldn't take being pissed at this thing out on you."

Smiling, Elle walks towards his open arms and giggles when he pulls her into his lap. "I really shouldn't have yelled back. It isn't your fault that the instructions are ass backwards. I'm sorry too."

Smiling, he kisses her head. "I don't see how Al does it."

Sighing contended, she looks thoughtful. "She doesn't. She has the neighbor do it."

Getting an idea, Bucky looks at her. "Really?"

Nodding, Elle looks at him. "Yeah, I was either at work or school and Wade is Wade, so the guy next for would do it for her. Why?"

Bucky looks at her and flexes his left arm. "I can take this off and you can wear a tank top that shows your bandage. It maybe cheating, but we will get the damn thing built."

Biting her lip, Elle sighs. "Okay. At least we're still working together on it."

Smiling, Bucky lifts her off of his lap. "If you will direct me to the bathroom, I need to loose about a hundred pounds."

Chuckling, she points down the hall. "Last door on your left."

Nodding, Bucky follows her directions. He goes in and closes the door. Sitting on the toilet, he carefully disengages his arm. It falls gracelessly to the floor and he feels off balance. Getting up, he looks in the mirror. Dread fills his soul as he looks at his reflection. He feels naked without his arm and he's not sure what Elle will think.

Taking a deep breath, he steels his nerves. She's seen worse -he hopes- she shouldn't react badly. It's just an arm, right?

Elle notices that Bucky taking a while but she doesn't go find him. She goes to her room and pulls out one of her over-sized sleeping shirts. It is an old tee shirt with three ravens on it that says "attempted murder." Smiling, she grabs a few safety pins and walks to the bathroom. Knocking on the door, she bites her lip. "Bucky? I've got an old shirt for you. Would you like to wear it?"

Startled from his train of thought, he turns to the door. How did she know what he was thinking? Slowly, he opens the door and nods. "Yeah, please."

Smiling, she hands him the shirt. "I've got safety pins too, for the arm hole. Do you want me to pin it now or wait until you put it on?"

Nervous, Bucky looks at the floor then back up at her. "Wait, please. I, I may need help putting on the shirt. I haven't put clothes on without the arm, ever."

Nodding, Elle walks into the bathroom and smiles. "Okay. Let's get this on you. Forgive the shirt, I think it's funny."

Looking at the shirt, Bucky laughs. "It kind of is."

Smiling, Elle helps him out of his white tank top and into the t-shirt. Carefully she pins the arm hole, and pats his shoulder. "Is that comfortable?"

Looking down at her, Bucky's heart skips a beat. She doesn't care about the arm. All she cares about is him and how he feels. "Yeah. Perfect."

Taking her chin into his right hand, he tilts her chin up and kisses her softly. "Absolutely perfect."

Blinking, she kisses him back and let's him pull her closer to him. Sighing, she feels his hand roam her back and let's her hands roam his. They are deep in their passionate kiss when the door bell rings. Laughing, she looks at him. "Food is here."

Chuckling, he rests his head against hers. "Yeah, lets eat."

Wade is sitting on a hotel room couch laughing. "I can't believe you made Weasel turn all the IKEA instructions go ass backwards on our person network."

Smiling, Al turns to Wade. "It made them think together and get out of their comfort zones."

Wade smiles and looks at the screen as the guy leaves with twenty dollars. "They paid him and now their sitting on the couch finishing off their Chinese. He still hasn't put his arm back on yet."

Smiling fondly, Al lays in her bed. "Good. Let's get some sleep Wade."

Wade looks at the screen one more time and smirks as the couple fall asleep on the couch. "Good night, squirt."


	15. Chapter 15

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 15: Fluff

Clint and Natasha walk into the common room after their morning training. He immediate sits at the kitchen island and plants his face on the table. "If Steve keeps taking his nervous energy out on the poor punching bags I'm running away."

Smirking, Natasha grabs the orange juice and two glasses. "No you won't."

Looking up, Clint takes a glass of juice. "Care to put money on it? I get that Bucky is still recovering and all that but he really needs to loosen the leash. Let him run free. I get that he's a brainwashed ex-Hydra assassin, but he's also a young man -physically- he needs to run free."

Nodding, Natasha sips her juice. "Maybe he's had time to relieve some tension."

Chuckling, he looks up at her. "Yeah, wonder what his "I just got laid" face looks like."

Laughing, she looks up and sees Steve walk in moping. "Hey, Cap. Feel better?"

Shaking his head, Cap frowns. "No. I know I shouldn't worry, but after the past couple of days, I do worry."

Sighing, Clint looks at Steve. "I hate to be the voice of reason, but he's a master assassin and he can take care of himself."

Nodding, Steve reaches into the fridge and gets the milk. "I know, but after the fall out and everything, I'm worried that he will withdraw. I get that Elle is a good girl, but I don't want her to suffer because I made a mistake."

Rolling her eyes, Natasha looks at him. "You feel guilty because you made a mistake. We get it. Steve he's okay. They are okay. Everyone is okay. No one is blaming you."

Steve is about to respond when he hear a familiar laugh. Looking at the door he sees Bucky walking in with Elle. "Buck, you're back!"

Giving Steve sarcastic look, Bucky shakes his head. "No, I'm not. This is actually a live model decoy. The real Bucky Barnes ran away to Tahiti with the real Elle. We're just here to keep you entertained."

Looking at Bucky, Steve realizes that Bucky is only wearing one arm. "Buck, where's your arm?"

Shrugging off his duffle bag, he places it on the coffee table and unzips it. The arm whirs and the hand waves at Steve. "Right there."

Jumping, Clint spills juice on himself. "That is weird cool!"

Smirking, Bucky makes the arm give Clint the middle finger. "Thanks."

Laughing, Elle smacks Bucky's rump. "Behave kids. Has anyone had breakfast yet?"

Everyone shakes their head and Elle nods. "Okay. I'm making pancakes and waffles. Come on Bucky, want to help?"

Smiling, Bucky nods and wraps his arm around her. "Sure. Excuse us kids, Mommy and Daddy are making breakfast."

Steve hides a laugh behind his hand as he watches Clint making gagging motions. Grinning, Steve looks at Bucky and smirks. "Daddy? Who do I belong to, the mail man?"

Raising a brow, Bucky sees Sam walk in and he smirks. "Son, I thought we settled this. Sam belongs to the mail man, you belong to the milk man."

Spit taking his juice, Clint laughs. "Wow! Sarcasm level off the charts! Well played, Barnes!"

Rolling her eyes, Elle drags Bucky to the kitchen. "So, you know the kitchen, I need measuring cups, measuring spoons, a ladle, a large mixing bowl, and a whisk. I will get everything else together."

Plundering through the cabinets, Bucky looks at her. "Everything else?"

Nodding, Elle looks in the refrigerator. "Yes. Pancake batter doesn't magically appear in the mixing bowl. No buttermilk, I can make some."

Turning, Bucky sees her bent over in the refrigerator. "Jesus wept. Need help?"

Looking over her shoulder, she notices Bucky's eyes. "The food is in the refrigerator. Not in my pants."

Smirking, Bucky stalks over. "I can debate that."

Looking at Bucky, Elle smiles. "I bet you could. Let's get to cooking. Stark could come in at any moment. You know how he is."

Taking the eggs from her hands and placing them on the counter, Bucky wraps his hand around her waist. "Let him watch. Maybe he could learn something."

Standing on her tiptoes, she kisses Bucky. "You still have the face of an angel, but boy you are a devil."

Smiling, he kisses her back. "Pot, meet kettle. Kettle, meet pot."

Tony walks in to the common room looking at his Stark Pad. "Hey, Cap! Do you still have those party poppers from New Year's?"

Nodding, Steve looks at Tony. "A few, why?"

Flipping his Stark Pad around, he shows the team. "That's why."

Tony and Steve were later admitted into medical. Who knew that a ladle could be used as a weapon and that a bowl could be thrown like a disc? Tony wound up paying for breakfast and new kitchen ware. He won't say it but he blames Steve. No one should give Stark noise makers.

Angela stands in front of a glass case holding a skin tight white leather suit. "It looks lovely, but will it protect me?"

A young man smiles. "Yes, ma'am and so much more. The suit is actually bullet proof and knife resistant. The blades in the arm bands are made of carbon steel. They will cut through anything. The mask has an infrared display and auto zoom. Not only can you spot your target from five miles away but you can spot them from five miles away in the dark. It is also enable with an olfactory enhancing unit. If your target is bleeding then you can smell them from up to a mile away."

Smiling, Angela touches the glass. "Suit me up."


	16. Chapter 16

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 16: Together We Fight: Making Good on Promises

Bucky and Elle sit in medical waiting for Bruce to remove the stitches from her shoulder. It has been two weeks since Brock attacked and the team is shocked that everything has been so quiet; Bucky isn't shocked he knows that something big is going to happen. Holding her hand, he looks up at her. "Elle, I think you should try on that suit. I've got everything we need and I am definitely going to make good on my promise."

Smiling, Elle holds his flesh hand and rubs his left shoulder. "Maybe we can go see the Canadian Rockies."

Chuckling, Bucky kisses her hand. "Yeah. Peace, quiet, no annoying friends or family to ruin intimate moments with noise makers, fire crackers, or simply opening the door using over ride codes."

Fixing the snaps on his left sleeve hole, she giggles. "No random calls or people dropping out of vents."

Gently taking her hand from his left near empty sleeve, he kisses her hand again. "Just us. I swear. Me, you, and nature."

Bruce hides in the door way and smiles. He has watched as Bucky went from a frightened moody loner, to someone slightly less moody but no longer afraid of being around more than three people. Smiling, he watches as Bucky lets Elle touch what is left of his left arm and feels like he's witnessing a very intimate act. Bucky hates people seeing the stump but with Elle he acts like angels are blessing him with each touch. Clearing his throat, Bruce walks in with his suture kit. "Hi, sorry it took me a while. I do a lot of late night work on Tony. I can suture wounds in my sleep and take them out just as quickly."

Smiling, Elle relaxes as Bucky holds her hand. "Good, they are itchy."

Chuckling, Bruce preps her. "So, any plans after you try the suit on today?"

Shrugging, Elle looks at him. "Not really, I was going to stop by the diner and see if Frank's replaced me yet. I hope not. I really like working."

Bucky looks at her and rubs her arm. "Maybe he won't have done that. He likes you. May I come? I miss eating there."

Smiling, she nods. "I do miss their off menu items. The Hulk Hash browns especially. You would like them Dr. Banner. They're a vegan dish. We fill them full of delicious veggies and a delicious vegan cheese. It is off menu because the cheese is super expensive, but if you tell him Elle sent you then he will definitely make them for you to-go."

Smiling, Bruce finishes up. "All done, hey, why don't you bring me some Hulk Hash browns please?"

Smiling, she nods. "Sure. White or wheat toast?"

Bruce smiles. "Whole grain?"

Bucky chuckles. "I guess we will make his toast."

Smiling, she looks at Bucky. "Let's go. Maybe you can meet your waitress girl friend and I can meet my mysterious and handsome boyfriend."

Shaking his head, Bruce looks at them. "Take it easy and don't do any heavy lifting. You're still healing but you are good to go now."

Helping Elle off the table, Bucky smiles. "We will be back, Bruce. Enjoy your brief peace."

Tony is making adjustments to the suit when the couple walks in holding hands. Rolling his eyes, he looks at them. "Lovely. Nat! Mom and Dad are here! Let's show Bucky just how sexy his girlfriend can look."

Rolling her eyes, Elle kisses Bucky. "I guess it is girl time now."

Pinching her bottom, Bucky smiles. "Have fun, I bet you will look sexy."

Tony looks at Bucky and smiles. "You look happy, healthy, and honestly I am kind of jealous. You get awesome food when ever you want."

Smirking, Bucky sits in a near by stool. "Why don't you and Pepper take cooking classes together? Cooking is a great way to spend time together."

Looking at a screen, Tony laughs. "Yeah, we tried that once. I'm a better engineer than a cook. That's why everything is catered."

Elle and Nat stand in front of the mirror as Elle sees the suit on herself for the first time. Looking over the designs, Elle flexes her hands. "Wow. I look different. I'm not a fan of the skull mask though."

Shrugging, Natasha makes sure everything is in working order. "They wanted you to be the poster child for Hydra. Tony is working on a new one. The under layer is made of a woven vibranium much like Black Panther's. The outer armor layer is again, made from vibranium which is why the energy shock won't harm you. The whips have the same rings as the suit. You activate those by hand. Tony is working on a better version of the suit and whips; for a man who doesn't like weapons he really wants to use Hydra's weapon against them. I want you to do a couple of practice hits on the dummies."

Nodding, Elle gets a feel for the whips and lashes at them. The display reads "kill shot" and goes blank. Confused, Elle looks at the dummies and the whips; she aimed for the arms. "These are meant to kill first hit?"

Nodding, Natasha looks at her. "That's why Stark is doing work on the suit and them. You weren't being trained to be a soldier, you were trained to be an assassin."

Retracting the whips, Elle makes a sound of disgust. "I'm not using them. Unless all other options are exhausted."

Nodding, Natasha brings out the combat bots. "Go hand to hand with these and lets see if the suit itself does the same thing."

The simulation begins and Elle keeps the suit inactive. Unsatisfied with the lack ring use, Natasha brings ten more bots out. She watches as the bots attack Elle at once but is frightened when the lights begin to shine and the bots fall when they touch her. "Simulation end!"

Bucky and Tony sit looking at the monitor in shock. Startled, Tony looks at Bucky. "Dude, I really didn't know. I knew that the suit was a weapon but I-"

Interrupting, Bucky looks at the screen. "That was the absolute hottest thing I've ever seen in my life. She's like a sword, swift, strong, deadly-"

Blinking, Tony chuckles. "Should I tell Natasha that you want to help her out of the suit?"

Looking at Tony, Bucky gives him a flat look. "Not with you watching."

Laughing, Tony is about to make a smart comment when the alarms go off. "FRIDAY, where is the threat and why are we called in?"

FRIDAY gives him a live feed. "Frank's Diner. A new threat called "The Shark" and Crossbones are demanding Mr. Barnes and Ms. Martin's presence. They say that if they are not there in the next hour then everyone in Frank's Diner will die."

Bucky hits the comm. "Elle, did you hear that?"

Nodding, she looks up at the camera. "Yeah, I think I will keep the suit for now."

The team arrives in five minutes. Stepping out of the jet, Cap, Sam, Bucky, Natasha, and Elle walk towards the building. Sam looks inside using his Falcon Vision Goggles. "They see us. We need to draw them out though, too many civilians."

Smirking, Elle takes off her mask. "Hey Bucky, do you know the most effective way to get a dad out of the house?"

Smiling, Bucky looks at her. "The same way we get an angry bitch out?"

Nodding, she walks over to Bucky and grabs him by the tactical vest. "Damn right."

Bucky crashes his lips into hers. It takes less than thirty seconds of heated kissing for Brock and Angela to storm out of the diner. Brock shoots at the team with a rocket launcher and Hydra agents pour out of the diner. "Get away from her, you piece of shit!"

Hiding behind a car, Bucky laughs as he gets out his guns. "Hey, Rumlow! Elle calls me Daddy too!"

Charging, Brock shoots at the car. "I'm going to kill you!"

Angela stalks towards the car Elle is crouched behind. "Plain Jane little poor girls like you don't get a happy ending!"

Elle is about to punch her but Angela's arm blades slice through the car door and grazes Elle's cheek. Putting on her mask, Elle rolls away. "Last time I checked Angela, neither do wicked bitches like you!"

Jumping, Angela laughs as Elle hides again. "I can smell you, did I hurt your plain ordinary face?"

Crossbones abandons his guns in favor of brute force. He grabs his field knife and attacks Bucky. "I may not kill you. I'm just going to maim you so bad that no one will ever want you. Athena will look at you in disgust."

Dodging, Bucky growls. "Her name is Eleanor and she's seen worse!"

Knocking Crossbones back, Bucky unsheathes his own knife and counter attacks. Bucky lodges his blade into Brock's side, but Brock lodges his into Bucky's back. Laughing, Brock picks him up. "When I get her back, I'm going to make sure they wipe all memories of you out of her head. Then, we are going to program her to be a Breeder and we will make you watch as she gets fat with a real man's progeny."

Snapping, Bucky butts his head into Brock's chin and kicks him back. "You are right about one thing Brock. Elle won't kill you. I will."

Angela and Elle are fighting hand to hand when Angela jumps away. Finding a hiding child, she grabs him and aims her arm blades at his throat. Removing her mask, she grins. "Go ahead, Ellie, attack me. See if I don't kill him."

Angry, Elle analyzes the situation. If the boy falls the blades will kill him, but if he flies up, he gets a shredded shirt. Taking off her mask, she hits her ear piece. "Sam or Tony ,I know you're busy, but I've got a young friend who needs a lift."

Swooping down, Sam grabs the pull and pulls him up as Angela shouts. "No! This isn't how it goes!"

The sound of crackling energy fills the air and Elle grips her whips. "Hey, Sharkie, ever fought an octopus?"

Angela growls and goes to shoot at Sam and the boy but a whip is suddenly around her wrist. She wants to scream but she can't breath or move. She falls to the ground paralyzed. Unable to speak, breath, or move, she watches as Elle walks closer to her. Terror fills her last moments.

Kneeling, Elle looks at her. "I tried to spare you but you made a choice. You chose to be selfish, vain, and power hungry. I never wanted to kill but you left me no choice. You threatened innocent people, my friends, my family, and an innocent child. May God have mercy on your soul."

The last thing Angela sees is Elle's face.

Turning, Elle sees Brock throw Bucky. She whips her way passed Hydra agents and shoots at Crossbones. "Hey, leave my boyfriend alone!"

Turning, Crossbones grips his gun. "Or you'll do what? Kill me?"

Gripping her whip. "Yeah. I will."

Standing, Bucky sees Brock and Elle standing off. He notices that Elle is waiting for Brock to make the first move and decides that she needs a little help. Charging, he takes his field knife and breaks the clamps that hold Brock's mask in place. "Now!"

Ducking, Bucky watches as the whip wraps around Brock's face. Struggling, Crossbones lifts his hand halfway to his face before he falls. He watches Bucky run away towards Elle. Wishing for air, he sees two sets of combat boots walk towards him.

Looking down at him, Bucky shakes his head. "Before you die Brock, I want to to carry this into the after life. Eleanor Martin is happy, James Buchanan Barnes is happy, and together they beat you."

Looking down, Elle fights the urge to cry in anger. "I told you that one day I would avenge Mom. I know you cut her breaks and Hydra paid off the cops. Bye, Brock."

The last thing Brock Rumlow sees is two pairs of combat boots coming together and the last thing he hears is Bucky and Elle soothing each other.

Frank hobbles over from the crowd of civilians and looks at Bucky and Elle. "Hey, Elle. You're job is still here if you want it, but um, looking at you two I just remembered that you also have vacation time coming to you."

Confused, Elle looks at Frank. "But the passed two weeks?"

Laughing, Frank looks at her. "What? Sweetie, family emergencies and medical leave don't count. Al would kick my ass if I didn't offer you a vacation and plus, looking at you two, a week alone together isn't a bad idea."

Smiling, Bucky looks at Elle and pulls her closer. "I did make that promise and you held up your end of the deal."

Wrapping her arms around him, she smiles up at him. "I did didn't I? I guess a small actual vacation couldn't hurt."

Smiling, Frank looks at them. "Just like me and my wife. You two have fun, oh, and Stark's computer called, I have your catering order ready."

Shocked but laughing, Elle looks at Bucky. "Food first?"

Nodding, Bucky kisses her. "Yeah. I'm pretty hungry."

The team is eating in the common room when Bucky clears his throat. "I've got an announcement. Elle and I -yes Stark a Brooklyn boy like me can use proper English from time to time- are going on a small vacation in the Canadian Rockies. Stark has generously offered his cabin to us and we kindly ask everyone to not bother us unless it is an epic emergency. Understood?"

Nodding, Bruce shovels in a mouthful of Hash browns. "I've got a cabinet full of condoms if you need them."

Tony looks at Bruce. "Hey! Offering unmarried couples prophylactics is my job!"

Bucky looks at Elle. "Eat on the way there?"

Nodding, Elle looks at Tony. "I think we will take your offer now."

Smiling, Tony looks at them. "Good, no need to pack. Pepper and I set up everything last week. Clothes, toiletries, toothbrushes, the whole nine yards. We even threw in a six month supply of prophylactics. Don't worry Barnes, they fit. We hacked into your medical files."

Sighing Bucky, looks at Stark. "We are leaving, now. Bye, everyone."

Steve stands up and stands in front of Bucky. "Have fun, Buck. Don't worry, I will make sure that no one bothers you two. I'm glad you're happy."

Hugging Steve, Bucky smiles. "Thanks. Don't do anything I wouldn't do while I"m gone."

Smiling, Elle looks at Bucky. "Let me grab my special bag. I will meet you at the helipad."

Everyone whistles when she goes to the room. Smirking, Clint looks at Bucky. "Be careful Bucky, the last time I had a special bag, I wound up with Nathan."

After the goodbyes and innuendos, they finally fly off to the cabin. Smiling, Elle leans against Bucky. "Do you think we should have told them that our special bag is full of board and card games?"

Shaking his head, Bucky holds her. "Nah. It's funnier to make them think that our week will be nothing but sex. This week is all about you. If you want sex then sex it is. If you want to play Monopoly in your pajamas then that's what we do."

Cuddling him, she smiles. "What if I want to do what you want to do for a day?"

Looking at her, Bucky raises his brows. "What if I just want to pass out asleep when we get there?"

Kissing him, Elle smirks. "That would be the best damn idea on the planet."

Laughing, Bucky watches the sky view as they pass over the boarder. This is going to be a very fun week. He may finally find his courage.

It has taken years but the whole team finally agrees. Everyone wants to play Monopoly. Steve goes to game cabinet but can't find it. An hour later Tony, Steve, and Sam are scratching their heads as they look for Monopoly. Confused, Tony looks at the ceiling. "FRIDAY, where is Monopoly?"

FRIDAY chirps on with an almost happy tone. "Mr. Barnes and Ms. Martin have confiscated it. Their reasoning for taking it was -at the time- sound.

Sighing, Tony looks up. "And what reasoning was that?"

FRIDAY replies. "No one ever plays it."


	17. Chapter 17

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is post "Civil War" but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 17: Three Days of Us: We Hate Crazy Technology

Many people don't know this about Bucky, but he's a very romantic individual. His mother taught him that women just need to be given respect and on occasion a good pampering. He remembers how his dad would send them to bed early so his mom could have a hot peaceful bath to herself or he would help the kids make her breakfast on his rare days off. When he died Bucky realized that those small things helped her out more than extra money; they let her know that her family appreciated her.

Day one is sweet and Bucky makes sure that what ever Elle wants she gets. Waking up, he feels Elle curled next to him in one of his shirts. Smiling, he kisses her head lightly and sneaks out of bed. After finishing his morning routine, he sneaks to the kitchen and starts making breakfast. Cooking, he remembers his mother's last words. "Find a good woman, Bucky. Make sure she is as strong and crazy for you as you are for her. I can't tell you how you will know when you find it, but you will. Sometimes love comes slowly, like with your Aunt Edna and Uncle Jacob, but sometimes love hits you like a train, like me and your Da. You will know it when it happens and if you're lucky, you will have it."

Flipping pancakes, Bucky smiles. "I guess Ma is right."

Smiling, he creeps upstairs and gently knocks on the door and opens it. "Good morning beautiful."

Smiling sleepy, she looks up at him. "Buck, what is all this?"

Gently, setting the tray over her lap he smiles. "I was told by a very wise woman that sometimes you need to show a woman a little appreciation."

Sniffing and smiling, she looks up at him. "They were right, but appreciation goes both ways you know."

Nodding, Bucky kisses her head. "Yeah, but right now this is for you."

Kissing him back, she looks in his eyes. "Okay, but I want you to eat with me."

Grinning, he kisses her and grabs his tray from the hall way. "As my queen wishes. "

Watching the sunset after a day of hiking and exploring, Bucky is wrapped around Elle sipping hot apple cider. She holds the blanket that keeps them warm. Sighing contentedly, Elle leans into Bucky. "This has to be the best day of my life."

Day two starts out amazing for Bucky. He wakes up to his face being peppered with kisses. Smiling, he looks up at Elle. "Good morning, doll. Something smells great!"

Smiling, she sits next to him and sets a breakfast tray across his lap. "Today, Mr. Barnes. I want to make you feel like a king."

Grinning, Bucky looks at his food. He sees three chocolate chip muffins, two large slices of ham, four thick slices of bacon, three eggs, and whole grain toast with blackberry jam on the side. "You are going to spoil me today aren't you?"

Breaking off a piece of chocolate chip muffin, she brings it to his lips. "You better believe it. Maybe I can make up for the fact that you didn't celebrate your birthday, properly."

Moving the tray to the night stand, he pulls her into his lap and rips off a piece of ham. Placing it between his teeth, he leans towards Elle. Taking the hint, she takes it with her mouth and he smiles. "Doll, you are too good to me."

Holding his head gently between her hands, she chastely kisses him. "That's funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. You have accepted my weird family and my twisted sense of humor. You have seen me at my worst and yet you are still me when I say this James Buchanan Barnes, you are more than I deserve."

Smirking, Bucky looks at her and grabs a muffin. "Ditto, doll. You know me, Brock probably told you horror stories about me. You accept the fact that I'm a socially awkward nervous wreck and that I too have strange friends and a very twisted sense of humor. You don't mind that I'm not perfect inside and out."

Taking the muffin from his hand, she offers him another piece. "You are perfect, you're the perfect Bucky."

Chuckling, he swallows. "Sap."

Crawling off of him. "Dork. Eat and I will prepare your bath, then we can do what ever you want."

Smiling, Bucky watches her slink away to the bathroom. "God, it's me, Bucky. I don't know what I've done but what ever I've done to earn your favor, thank you."

Bucky belches when Elle walks out of the bathroom wearing a short black silk robe. Looking mortified he stutters out an apology. "I'm sorry. That was rude. Jesus wept, doll. You're gorgeous."

Smiling, she takes his hands and leads him to the bathroom. "Ever had anyone wash your hair for you?"

Shaking his head, Bucky sheds his clothes. "No, but I know Ma enjoyed it."

Taking off her robe, Elle steps into the large tub and motions for Bucky to follow. "I'm about to show you why. Come on."

Sighing, Bucky feels like he's died and gone to heaven. He's never been treated like this and he wonders if he's even alive. Life for the past seventy or more years has been nothing but pain and hell but now all he feels is bliss and paradise. This must be what true intimacy and love feels like. Smiling, he gently takes her soapy hand. "I know what we are doing today."

Day two ends with Bucky's metal arm on the floor. Lighting two cigarettes in his mouth he hands Elle one and keeps one. Holding her close, he smiles. "I love you."

Feeling safe, Elle looks at him with emotion filled eyes. "I love you, too."

Day three starts with Bucky waking her up just before sunrise. "Doll, let's watch the sunrise."

Opening her eyes, she blinks at him. "Okay. I'm going to make coffee."

Chuckling softly, Bucky rolls off of her. "Yes, coffee good."

Picking up Bucky's shirt, she slips it on and pads to the kitchen. Watching her, Bucky grabs the spare blankets and puts on some pants. He's looking out the window when Elle comes back with two cups of coffee. "Hey, I bring coffee."

Smiling, Bucky puts the blankets on the bed and grabs the coffee. "I think today should be about us."

Smiling, Elle grabs the blankets and slides the balcony doors open. "Me too."

Wrapping the blankets around Bucky, Elle wraps herself in Bucky and holds the blankets with one hand. "Why don't we play Monopoly?"

Smiling, Bucky kisses her head as they watch the sunrise."Sounds like a plan. What should we make for breakfast?"

Tony looks at the medical bed in front of him and bites his thumb. It was supposed to be a routine mission, this wasn't supposed to happen. Steve shouldn't have touched the machine with the crazy energy readings. Looking at Sam, he sighs. "I will call them. Bucky already hates me, so it won't be a huge thing for him to be mad at me."

Bucky is about to land on one of Elle's four railroads when the cabin phone rings. "Hello? Tony what's wrong?"

Sighing, Tony sounds tired. "Steve did something very stupid and well, he's in medical. We need you two here yesterday."

Bucky looks at Elle. "Steve's hurt."

Looking up from the game, she scrambles next to Bucky. "Send the chopper!"

Ending the call, Bucky kisses her. "Thanks, I will make it up to you."

Kissing him gently, Elle shakes her head. "You can't top this I'm sure. Let's get dressed. We have to kill Steve."

***** Author's note: I'm stuck between wanting Steve shrunken to pre-serum size or made into a baby/toddler. Put your choice in the review. Either way, Steve is a lovable stupid man-puppy*****


	18. Chapter 18

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fan-fiction but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 18: The Little Punk: Steve Spreads The Fever

Bucky's heart races as he and Elle run down to the Medical floor of Stark Tower. That stupid, well meaning, self-sacrificing, and puppy-eyed little punk better not be dead or he will kill him! Turning a corner the couple almost collides into Bruce. Keeping them from knocking the doors down, Bruce looks at them. "Bucky should go in first. There are too many people in there right now. If one person leaves then you can come in, okay?"

The couple nods and Bucky rushes into the doors. Rushing passed doctors and nurses, Bucky sees Sam waiting outside a door. "Where's Steve!"

Blocking his path, Sam sighs. "Bucky, before you go in there you need to be prepared. He's not as big as he used to be."

Nodding, Bucky quietly enters the room and sees Stark standing next to a crib. Wait, a crib? Walking over, Bucky looks at the sleeping occupant in the crib. "Stark, you have five seconds."

Tony sighs and looks at Bucky. "We aren't sure, but apparently Hydra also has the time gem. Apparently they managed to manipulate it's power but all it did was make him younger in mind and body. He's healthy as a horse but he's just mini-Cap."

Leaning, Bucky sees a baby with rosy pink cheeks, corn silk blond hair, and full pouty lips sleeping with a thumb in his mouth. "Stevie? Dear God, what did you do?"

Tony looks at the sleeping baby. "He was making sure that an empty room was clear when there was an energy surge. Apparently in an attempt to self-destruct the building they overloaded their power supply and everything shorted out."

Nodding, Bucky watches as Steve rouses from his sleep. Big baby blue eyes look up at him and a smile spreads over Steve's face. Waving his hands and feet, Steve reaches for Bucky. Shocked, Bucky picks up the wiggling babe and holds him. "Hey, punk. What did you do? What did you do? You look all adorable and cute now."

Smiling, Steve grabs at Bucky's nose and giggles. Chuckling, Bucky bounces him. "Elle is going to have a fit. Tony, who is supposed to take care of him? Clint already has what, three or four kids? Nat and Bruce? They are still Groot crazy, Sam is busy, and oh hell no!"

Steve twists Bucky's nose hard. Looking at Steve, Bucky lightly scowls. "Ow! Easy that's attached!"

Babbling loudly, Steve waves his hands disapprovingly. Laughing, Tony looks at him. "I think he's telling you to watch your mouth Barnes."

Looking at Steve, Bucky sighs. "Stark, bring Elle in here. We will talk it over. He's a super kid and honestly, I don't trust you to look after my imaginary pet dinosaur."

Smiling, Tony walks out. Bucky sits in a near by chair and bounces Steve a little. "You know, Elle and I were having a great time. We were playing Monopoly when you interrupted us."

Huffing, Steve levels Bucky with a disapproving look. Chuckling, Bucky plays with Steve tiny hands. "What? You guys never played it. Besides, Stark could just buy a new one."

Unable to resist, Bucky tickles Steve's round little belly. "You really are an adorable baby, Sarah wasn't lying."

Walking in, Elle sees Bucky holding a tiny blond baby. "What on earth!"

Wiggling his fingers, Bucky motions her over. "Elle, meet Steven Grant Rogers, America's most adorable baby. The model of cherubim everywhere."

Steve shouts indignantly and Bucky tickles his belly again. "Be nice, it isn't my fault you're cute."

Giggling, Steve looks at Elle and gives her a huge gummy grin. Smiling, Elle looks at him and melts. "Hi, remember me?"

Patting her face, Steve smiles. Looking at his now infant friend and his girlfriend, Bucky smiles. "You want to hold him?"

Nodding, Elle holds her arms out and smiles as Bucky stands and gives his seat to her. Watching his girlfriend hold Steve makes his heart melt. Hearing the door open, he turns and sees Bruce walking in with a bottle. Smiling, Bruce walks over. "It's dinner time for the big boy."

Cooing at Steve, Elle looks up and a light blush dusts her cheeks. "May I feed him?"

Nodding, Bruce hands her the bottle and watches as she feeds the right way. "You're good at this."

Chuckling softly, Elle looks down at Steve. "When I came to Al, she said a job teaches responsibility, but looking younger than my age meant no one would hire me. Al and Wade looked around and found some child care classes. I took them and made money babysitting until I graduated high school."

Smiling, Bruce watches as Bucky melts down. "Bucky? Bucky? Have you talked to Elle?"

Blinking, Bucky looks at Bruce. "About what?"

Chuckling, Bruce pats his shoulder. "About keeping Steve until we can find a way to reverse this."

Shaking his head, Bucky's attention returns to Elle and Steve. "Not yet. I am now though. May we be alone?"

Nodding, Bruce walks out and sees Tony pacing. Walking up to Bruce, Tony looks frantic. "Well?"

Rubbing his face, Bruce looks at Tony. "I wouldn't worry too much, he's got them both wrapped already and Bucky has Baby fever."

Shocked, Tony chuckles. "They haven't been dating very long and already he wants a family."

Laughing, Bruce points to the room. "Have you seen Steve? He could give ice baby fever."

Bucky kneels and looks up at Elle. "Doll, I um, I know that this is sudden, but the team needs someone to watch Steve while he's little and they think that we should do it."

Looking between him and Steve, Elle bites her lip. "What about my job?"

Rubbing his neck, Bucky shakes his head. "I don't know, maybe we could talk to Frank. Bring Stevie with us, his face could melt a glacier."

Watching Steve's droopy eyes as he suckles the bottle, Elle's heart melts. "Okay, I don't trust Stark to not drop him or enhance his vocabulary. I guess I'm moving in?"

Nodding, Bucky smiles at her. "I'm sure Wade and Rocket will be fine."

Gently removing the empty bottle from his mouth, Elle points to a small towel. "Would you hand me that towel please?"

Bucky grabs the towel and hands it to her. Standing up, he looks at her. "I know this is really fast but - jeez I'm being a sap- I'm really happy that I'm doing this with you."

Gently placing Steve on her shoulder, she smiles. "Me too. Considering what we've been through, I think this is a good pace. Most people spend years with another person and never really love them but some people see another person and they already know that they have found love."

Kissing her head, Bucky smiles. "I will be back. I'm going to tell the others."

Nodding, Elle pats Steve's back and begins humming a lullaby. Bucky turns his head and takes a quit glance back; even he knows that he has baby fever. Walking quickly towards Tony and Bruce, he nods. "We will take him, but we need a place with two bed rooms and baby stuff, and quit giving me that look."

Tony smiles and points to his Stark Phone. "Don't worry, I've already picked a room and have people moving stuff into it. You know, you two need to make a cover story."

Nodding, Bucky smiles. "Yeah, Tony? I'm worried though, Elle wants to keep working and honestly with my missions and Steve's status, I know I'm going to be busy for a while."

Nodding, Tony looks at him. "Settled. I called Frank, he says that he's not shocked. He's hiring another worker but that if she still wants to work after this she is welcomed back, same pay."

Sighing, Bucky runs his right hand through his hair. "I feel bad that she has to give up work because of my schedule."

Gently placing his hand on Bucky's shoulder, Bruce looks at him. "Hey, this won't be permanent and she gave her consent to stay. She knows what she's doing. She made this choice and she knows what she's doing."

Nodding, Bucky smiles. "Thanks, you're right. I guess I just feel guilty because I can't give up my job, the world needs me and she's Steve's last line of defense should anything happen."

Nodding, Tony puts an arm around Bucky's shoulders. "Come on, let's get you and your super family into your floor. Oh, and by the way; you are going to need a car. I will get that too because I kinda should have been watching big Cap closer, but I will let you and Elle pick it out."

Nodding, Bucky sighs. "Baby's are a lot of work."

Laughing, Bruce pats his shoulder. "Wait for tonight."

Bucky, Elle, and Steve see their new home. It is a large apartment and everything is baby proofed. Bucky looks at Elle as she puts Steve in his new crib and turns on the baby monitor. "He's so cute."

Smiling, Bucky kisses her. "Yeah, let's get some sleep."

Two hours later Bucky wakes up to the baby monitor making noise. Looking over he see's Elle out of bed and padding towards the kitchen. Turning towards him, she waves him back down. "Got it. Sleep."

Bucky goes back to sleep. It only lasts another four hours but he doesn't mind. He takes this feeding. They rotate like this until morning. Bucky gets what Bruce meant now. Bucky wakes for the actual morning feeding and he sits up with Steve and sees the sun rise.

Steve looks up at him as he suckles the bottle. His eyes haven't changed and he still has that wide eyed innocent look. Smiling, Bucky begins talking to him. "You know punk, this is all your fault."

Steve looks up at him and gnaws the nipple in protest. Nodding, Bucky smiles. "Fuss all you want, it's true. You had this idea that I needed to date again and you in your infinite goodness started setting me up with Sharon's terrible friends. Then you got Natasha involved. You and Natasha finally found the gal I'd been sweet on and brought us together."

Steve looks up at him and smiles. Milk dribbles down the sides of his mouth but Bucky just wipes it off. "Keep smiling, after we started dating everything goes nuts but we're still together. You get your punk self turned into a baby and now I'm living with the woman of my dreams and bottle feeding a guy I grew up with. I'm an honest man, Stevie. I'm a happy man, and I blame you for all of it."

Emptying the bottle, Steve giggles and pats Bucky's face as he's placed over Bucky's flesh shoulder. Babbling, he knows he's making Bucky smile. Belching, Steve looks at Bucky and laughs. Smiling, Bucky holds Steve. "Yep Stevie, all this fluffy domestic stuff is all your fault."


	19. Chapter 19

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fan fiction but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 19: Missing You Already: Bucky's Deployed

Bucky knew the time would come but he didn't know it would come so soon. A week after Steve was turned into a child Hydra attacked a small village on the Latverian border and it falls out of Doom's jurisdiction. Looking at Elle, he kisses her before leaving. "I'm going to be gone for a while. I will comeback. I promise. You take care of her Stevie. I love you Elle."

Kissing him chastely, Elle strokes his cheek. "I love you too, Buck. Be careful."

Nodding, Bucky ruffles Steve's curls. "I will."

Elle and Steve watch the quinjet fly off and Steve whimpers. Looking down, Elle rocks him. "Let's go grocery shopping. We need food."

Looking up at her, Steve whimpers. "Uggy."

Kissing his head, Elle smiles sadly at him. "He will be home soon sweetie. I promise."

Walking inside, Elle sees Fury and Agent Coulson waiting outside of her apartment. She juggles Steve and gets her keys out. "May I help you?"

Nodding, Fury helps her with the door. "Actually, we are here to help you. I've seen Barnes nodding off lately, you look ready to fall over. Tony has shown me the amount of formula he eats. Taking care of Captain Rogers is a full time job."

Walking into the apartment, Elle goes to the kitchen. "Babies usually are a lot of work. Get to the point."

Fury watches as she warms up a bottle for Steve. "We want to help. One of the conditions of Barnes being an active agent during this was that if he were gone someone would help you."

Looking at them as she juggles Steve and testing the bottle for a good temperature, she smirks. "I should of known he would do something like this. You really want to help? Feed him while I take a shower and get his clothes together. I need to go shopping and thank you."

Coulson opens his arms and takes Steve and the bottle. Elle rushes to the bathroom and Coulson looks ready to melt. Steve looks up at Phil as he suckles and his big baby blues start to droop. Watching them, Fury sighs; Phil is compromised.

Rushing out, Elle is holding a baby sized royal blue shirt, jeans, shoes, and a little blue baseball cap. "Okay, now to get you dressed big man."

Reluctantly, Phil hands Steve to her and looks at his suit. Sighing, he wipes off spit up. "I will accompany you Ms. Martin, as soon as I change."

Nodding, Elle places Steve on the changing table and begins getting him ready. "Remember Agent Coulson, we are grocery shopping, nothing suit fancy. We want to blend. Stevie, be still."

Laughing, Steve kicks and flails his arms. Looking up at her, he babbles incoherently and gives her a drooly gummy smile. Sighing, she pulls his baby jeans up and smiles. "Next is shoes."

Fury is shocked when the shoes go on his feet and little Stevie doesn't make a fuss but when a tiny little sneaker hits him in the head he isn't shocked. "Good aim, Rogers."

Sticking his hand in his mouth, Steve smiles. Shaking his head, Fury sighs. "I will be back tonight . See you then."

Elle isn't sure but when Fury leaves it sounds like he's mumbling about "Rogers' damned cute baby face compromising every-fucking-one here." Looking down at Steve, she picks him up. "I don't care how old you are Steven Grant Rogers, if I catch you talking like that before you're an adult, I will wash your mouth out with soap."

Patting her face, Steve babbles. Smiling, she gets the diaper bag and stroller and decides to wait for Phil in the lobby. Waiting for Phil, she plays with Steve and sighs when she sees Phil. "You look like your ready to host "Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood." I'm assuming this is as casual as you get?"

Nodding, Phil looks at her and hands her a ring. "Yes, if anyone asks I'm your father helping you out while your husband is deployed."

Putting the ring on her ring finer, Elle nods. "Yeah, I doubt anyone will ask. They will just think we are some new aged couple."

Shaking his head, Phil follows her. The trip to the grocery store is uneventful save all the cooing people and everyone going on about how cute Steve looks. It takes all of Phil's training to not laugh when someone says he's going to be a heart throb or heart breaker when he gets older.

Bucky is coming off of watch and sits next to Bruce. "You okay,Banner?"

Looking at Bucky, he nods. "Yeah, are you? You look like you would rather be at home."

Nodding, Bucky sighs. "Yeah, I miss them. I can't help but see how Elle is with Stevie. She's beautiful, but not just on the outside, it's like her inner beauty shines out."

Smiling, Bruce looks at him. "Really? It sounds like you love her."

Smiling, Bucky nods. "A little, seeing her with Steve makes me remember my dreams before I fell. I wanted a good wife, a family, a few kids, a nice home, and a dog."

Laughing, Bruce looks at him. "I never pegged you for a family man."

Rubbing his neck, Bucky laughs. "I didn't either. It was a dream then for a reason, but now I see it. It can be a reality."

Eyes going wide, Bruce looks at Bucky. "Are you really?"

Nodding, Bucky shows him the picture of a ring. "It isn't much but it is close to what my mother's looked like."

Smiling, Bruce nudges Bucky. "Good luck, you two are good together."

Looking at Bruce. "Seeing her with Stevie sealed the deal. She has the unending patience and love of a mother. She kinda reminds me of my mother. Kind, strong, witty, smart, beautiful, and a hell of left hook."

Laughing, Bruce looks at Bucky. "Bucky, you look deep in thought."

Looking at Bruce, Bucky sighs. "Bruce, can you keep a secret?"

Nodding, Bruce leans closely and his eyes go wide. Looking at Bucky, he runs a hand through his hair. "I will take a look at it later. Just uh, let me know when we get back."

Nodding, Bucky watches refugees take shelter. He sees a woman holding her children close. "I miss Elle already."

Returning to the tower with the groceries, Elle sighs. "Okay, Steve let's get you fed. Peas or carrots?"

Looking at the jars, Steve points to pureed sweet potatoes. Laughing, Elle gets them out. "I guess you're still a potato man, huh?"

Phil laughs and puts the other groceries away. Turning, he grabs the items for the bathroom. "I'm going to put these away."

Jumping, Elle hands him the jar of sweet potatoes. "I will do it. I know you want to feed Steve."

Raising a brow, Phil looks at her. "What are you hiding?"

Blushing, Elle looks at him and whispers in his ear. "A gift for Bucky. It's a flavored personal lubricant.I know that you've seen a lot but I prefer to have some semblance of privacy."

Nodding, Phil looks at her blush. "Go ahead. Meal time Captain!"

Coming out ten minutes later, Elle finds Phil wearing most of Steve's potatoes. "Why don't you wash up Phil, I've got it from here."

Nodding, Phil walks tiredly to the bathroom. Picking Steve up from his high chair, Elle holds Steve as she spoons potatoes into his mouth. "You are just being a rotten little angel. I blame Bucky. Ah, don't do it. I'm not Phil. You want to get sweet potatoes tomorrow? You better eat your normal potatoes now. No spitting, throwing, or flinging. There you go. That's the appetite I remember."

Watching from the door way, Phil smiles. Barnes is a lucky man. Not many people find a person who will handle all this strange crap in stride. Walking over, he smiles. "I will cook dinner while you put Cap down for a nap, does that sound okay?"

Nodding, Elle takes Steve to his room, burps him, changes him, and puts him down for his nap. She misses Bucky right now. He would sing Steve right to sleep. Kissing, Steve's head she walks over into the kitchen. "I miss Bucky already."


	20. Chapter 20

The Misadventures of Bucky Barnes: Everyone Blames Steve

Disclaimers: I do not own Marvel, Disney, or any characters associated with the before mentioned companies. This is a work of pure entertainment and no copyright infringement is intended. This is a work of entertainment and no monetary gain is being procured from this work. Please do not sue and again no copyright infringement is intended this is just for fun.

Summary: This is a post "Civil War" fan fiction but probably not compliant considering the movie isn't even in theaters yet. Steve is helping Bucky become re-acclimated to "normal" life. Steve helps Bucky come out of his shell by offering a double date. The only problem is that Bucky has no one. Steve once again -being the great friend he is- tries to set Bucky up with someone. Bucky is taken on a series of double dates that really makes him reconsider his choice to not kill Steve. This is a look at Bucky's life as he tries to adjust to the world of dating, crazy technology, dating, and delicious food.

Chapter 20: Coming Home: Dreams

Two weeks passed and finally Bucky is coming home. He's been through mud, blood, tears, and pain but the people are safe and Doom has agreed to keep Hydra from his country and surrounding territories. Walking towards the quinjet he grabs his phone. He looks at his phone and sees his messages. Smiling, he reads them. "Hey listen guys, Stevie is teething and feeding himself with a spoon. He's wearing more than he's eating but here's a picture."

The team smiles and laughs at his smiling pureed carrot covered face when a message pops up. Looking at his phone, Bucky frowns. "Can this jet go any faster?"

Elle holds Steve as he shivers in her arms. He's not fevered but his adult memories and nightmares plague his tiny body. Whimpering, he looks up teary eyed at Elle. The feeling of ice and loneliness plagues him.

Grabbing extra blankets, she wraps Steve up tight and keeps him close to her. It s okay Stevie, I'm here. You aren't alone any more. I've got you."

Clutching her shirt, he whimpers and looks up at her. Sniffling, he rests his tiny blond head against her chest. "Mama."

Eyes going wide, Elle kisses his head. "I'm right here sweetie, Papa will be home soon."

Angry, Bucky waits for medical clearance. "Haven't I waited long enough?"

Nodding, Bruce looks at him. "Yes, by the way; everything looks fine. All your parts are up to code."

Grabbing his vest, Bucky nods. "Good, thanks."

Bruce watches as Bucky runs towards the elevator. He saw Bucky's face fall as he read the message. Shaking his head, he hopes that Steve is okay.

Barging into the room, Bucky sees Elle and Steve wrapped up in a pile blankets on the couch. Rushing over, he kneels in front of them. "Hey, what happened?"

Looking at Bucky, she whispers. "He had a nightmare. I think it was from his time in the ice. He's just fallen asleep."

Smoothing Steve's hair, Bucky looks at the two. "What else happened?"

Looking at Bucky, Elle blushes. "He called me Mama."

Shocked, Bucky blushes. "Really? Well you are good at it."

Nodding, she gently rocks Steve. "I'm glad you're home. We both missed you."

Smiling, Bucky kisses her head. "I missed you too. Let me get showered and changed and we can both keep him warm."

Bucky let's the hot water course over his battered and tired skin. The weeks worth of battle melts down the drain as he scrubs his skin clean. Sighing, he grabs the first bottle of shampoo he reaches and realizes that it's baby shampoo. Chuckling, he grabs his own and remembers back to the vacation when Elle washed his hair. He wonders if she can do that again, later.

Clean, Bucky walks out and sees Steve finally asleep nuzzled next to Elle. Carefully, he sits next to them. "Long two weeks for you two?"

Nodding, Elle leans against him. "His nightmares started just after you left, but I couldn't get contact. He's been fighting sleep because of them. I learned that the best and only thing that anyone can do is hold him until sleep wins."

Looking at Elle, Bucky grabs a blanket and wraps himself and the blanket around her. "I know Stevie and I'm willing to bet he fights it tooth and nail. How long have you been up?"Shrugging, Elle looks up at him. "Probably not half as long as you have."

Smirking, Bucky looks at her. "Don't deflect. How long?"

Releasing a heavy sigh, Elle looks at him. "I don't know, what time is it now?"

Looking up, Bucky reads the wall clock. "Noon."

Nodding, Elle yawns. "I've been up since eight yesterday morning."

Shocked, Bucky gently picks her up and carries her to the nursery. "Put him in his crib. I'm taking you to bed and you're going to sleep. I've gotten more sleep in twenty-four hours than you."

Placing Steve gently in his crib, she shakes her head. "Bucky, you've just come back. You don't have to do this, I'm okay, really."

Certain that Steve is asleep, Bucky picks her up again. "No, you're asleep on your feet. Besides, I've got news."

Holding on to him, she nods. "What's you're news?"

Gently placing her on the bed, he looks at her and turns the baby monitor. "One I'm home, and two I'm virile."

Smiling, she looks up at him. "You've got baby fever too?"

Laughing, he nods and looks at her. "You know, my Ma always told me to find a girl who reminds me of her."

Looking at the wall, Elle blushes. "I'm nothing like your mom."

Gently taking her chin in his right hand, he kisses her and rests his head against hers. "You aren't my Ma, that would be weird, but you are a lot like her. Strong, kind, independent, and beautiful. You're the kind of girl I want to marry."

Waking up, she looks at him. "Are you sure?"

Chuckling, Bucky looks at her. "Am I sure I want to marry you? Uh, let me think. Duh. I know that we haven't been together very long, but I know that I love you and that we've been together through a lot. I think we can be married a long time if we work on it."

Looking away, Elle blushes. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Nodding, Bucky gets off the bed and goes to the closet and opens his gun case. "I got this last week. I had it made to look like my mother's. Again, will you give me the honor of becoming Mrs. Barnes?"

Smiling, she kisses him. "Yes."

Bucky grins and looks at her. "You have made me a very happy man. Now, get some sleep. I've got this watch."

Smiling, she is asleep almost immediately. Bucky snuggles up next to her and is almost asleep when Stevie starts whining. He gets up and keeps Elle still. "Sleep, I've got this watch."

Nodding, Elle goes back to sleep. Smiling, Bucky walks into the nursery. "Hey buddy, what's got you up and fussy?"

Looking over his crib, Steve's eyes go wide. "Uggy?"

Grinning, Bucky looks at him picks him up. "Yeah, Uggy is home. Where you good for mama?"

Pulling at his own ear, Steve whimpers. Checking his diaper, he changes Steve. "You okay? More nightmares?"

Steve nods and chews his fist. Snapping everything back into place, Bucky sighs. "It's okay pal. I have that problem sometimes,too. I wake up in a strange place around strange people and I all I can remember is the cold, but you know what? We are lucky. We have friends, no we have an awesome family to help us stay warm and safe."

Looking up at Bucky, Steve yawns and burbles. Sitting down, Bucky swaddles Steve and gently rocks him. "We aren't alone Stevie. We are surrounded by friends and family who would do anything for us. We just have to let them help us."

Looking down, Bucky smiles as Steve is sucking his thumb fast asleep. "Yeah, heart to hearts tend to put people to sleep. Good night, Stevie."

Bucky wakes up the next morning to a gentle bouncing on his chest. Slowly, he opens his eyes and sees Stevie smiling. "What are you doing in my bed buddy?"

Smiling, Steve pats his face. "Uggy."

Elle walks in carrying a tray full of food. "Welcome home, Mr. Barnes."

Bucky fights with himself, he wants to shake his head because Elle should be sleeping, but the breakfast looks so good that he wants to smile. Shaking his head, he smiles. "I should be doing this for you. You were the one taking care of Stevie this whole time."

Placing the tray on his lap, she smiles. "You put your life on the line. Don't argue with good food. Food always wins."

Giggling, Steve grabs a piece of toast and shoves it in Bucky's mouth. Eating the toast, Bucky bops Steve's nose. "Turncoat. I think we should go to the park today."

Shaking her head, Elle looks at him. "Sorry, Fury wants to talk to you and Laura and I have set up a play date for Nathan and Steve."

Chewing his bacon, Bucky looks at her. "Already doing the mom thing? We do move quick. What does Fury want?"

Shrugging, Elle smiles as Steve gives Bucky bacon. "I don't know but it must be important. He said I would be briefed by you."

Taking the food Steve gives him, Bucky looks at Steve. "This better be important because I would rather be at the park with you guys."

Hours later, Bucky sits with Natasha, Clint, and Bruce in the briefing room. Fury looks at them and sighs. "We found out who tipped Hydra off. They knew we were going to be there but didn't know soon enough to safely shut down the facility."

Bucky looks at Fury. "That's why the surge happened. They were in a hurry."

Fury hands them each a file. "Yeah, because their sleeper agent wasn't informed ahead of time. I want extra eyes on the Captain at all times until Stark and Banner find a way to reverse his condition."

Natasha and Bruce look at each other. "What about the others?"

Chuckling, Fury looks at them. "The others ratted Ms. Carter out. They were supposed to spy on you Mr. Barnes, but luckily you have something called standards and didn't take the bait."

Looking at the files, Bucky nods and looks at Fury. "What if Elle, Steve, and I went into hiding until a cure is found?"

Raising a brow, Fury looks at Bucky. "Like Barton?"

Nodding, Bucky looks at everyone. "Yeah, it seems like the safest option. That way, we have eyes on Steve and he's hidden from Hydra."

Tapping his fingers, Fury looks at Bucky. "I will consider it. Dismissed."

Sighing, Bucky looks at Bruce and Natasha. "What?"

Grinning, Bruce nudges him. "Well? Did you?"

Chuckling, Bucky nods. "Yeah."

Rolling her eyes, Natasha huffs. "Judging from your not sad expression, it couldn't have been a turn down, but I want to hear you say it!"

Grinning, Bucky looks at them. "She said yes."

Smiling, Bruce shakes his hand. "I'm happy for you Bucky. We are getting closer to a solution, but I don't think that Steve could have better temporary parents."

Looking through her phone, Natasha grins. "Especially ones willing to let Steve explore without gender boundaries."

Looking at the pictures, Bucky laughs. Steve is pushing a pink unicorn in a dump

truck. "Yeah, Elle was adamant about that. She says gender boundaries create mental barriers. She wants to keep his mind as open as humanly possible."

Raising his brows, Bruce looks at Bucky. "For a guy who lived in the thirties you're okay with this?"

Bucky nods. "Yeah, Ma taught everyone to sew, knit, cook, clean, and take care of kids. She did a lot of house repairs when dad was at work, so I guess gender roles didn't mean much in my house."

Walking into his apartment, he sees Elle and Laura playing with the kids. Smiling, he gets on the floor and kisses Elle. "So, what's the game?"

Picking up a large baby safe letter magnet, Elle points to a board. " We are letting them play with the magnets and teaching them to spell and read at the same time."

Reaching with his left hand, he notices that the magnets stick to his arm. "This is does not leave this room."

Nathan and Steve see the magnet stick to Bucky and they babble among themselves. Crawling over they each grab a magnet and stick it to Bucky's arm. The boys laugh and smile up at Bucky. Sighing, Bucky smiles at them. "Go ahead, I have a feeling I've lost this battle anyway."

James Buchanan Barnes will never admit to feeling warm and fuzzy. He refuses to acknowledge the fact that his best friend is the most adorable baby on Earth or that seeing his fiancee playing with his now baby best friend makes his heart turn to goo. So, the possibility of him ever admitting that waking up at six in the morning with large letter magnets that spell out "We Love Bucky" on his arm warms his heart to the melting point is absolutely non-existent. Smiling, he knows he won't admit feeling like his heart will melt but he's glad he feels it. He feels like he's finally home.


End file.
